


Symbiosis

by basicallyiwriteshit



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Anxiety, Bullying Mention, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Other, Panic Attacks, Self-Discovery, Slice of Life, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Trans Sugawara Koushi, chapter four and possibly above will have:, hard of hearing yamaguchi tadashi, i love kentaro but not the things he does, mentioned sexual abuse, mentions of injury
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:45:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8340307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basicallyiwriteshit/pseuds/basicallyiwriteshit
Summary: Symbiosis; sym·bi·o·sis; noun; interaction between two different organisms living in close physical association, typically to the advantage of both. A mutually beneficial relationship between different people or groups.The story of how they grow and stay together throughout the years.





	1. Nine

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments I'm a needy bean

Pain. It’s all Tadashi can remember. From his younger years when his dad would hit him before he left him and his mum, to now -- at nine years old -- where he’s tormented by bullies, pain rules Tadashi’s life. He doesn’t remember a time when he didn’t have a bruise of some sorts on his body. 

That’s what he feels now--  _ pain _ . It’s overwhelming, and he thinks he’s maybe broken another rib. This time there’s no one to deliver another blow and distort his vision any more, no, this time he’s alone. His bicycle lay on top of him, crushing his left hand, and the ball he’d had in his hands lay a few meters away, scraped up from the fall. Through his hazy vision, he sees an older woman looking panicked, talking quickly into her phone, but Tadashi can’t hear anything but ringing; he wouldn’t be able to hear her much even if his ears weren’t ringing from -- a hit, maybe? He must’ve hit his head --  he thinks with a weak smile. His bullies had broken his hearing aids by hitting them with their baseball bats last week, and his mum needed to buy him a new pair. 

Tadashi tries to shift, but when he does, his head aches and his left hand catches on something. He’s somehow gotten his fore, middle, and ring fingers lodged in between the tire and the metal holding it on, and they stick out an an angle that he knows isn’t right. The panic settles in his gut, and he tries to remember what happened but he can’t seem to press the puzzle pieces together. 

Sirens -- loud, loud sirens, even for Tadashi -- pierce his panicked thinking, and he moves his head despite the blinding pain it causes. An ambulance stands only a meter in front of him, its sirens wailing as paramedics rush out of the vehicle, and if Tadashi didn’t know it was here for him he would be amazed how close it is. But the paramedics  _ are _ there, looking him over and asking questions lost to him, and someone is pulling the bike off of him and--

Pain. Sharp, breath-stealing pain shoots up Tadashi’s left arm, and he lets out a loud cry that he can hear over the ambulance’s siren, over the ringing in his ears roaring like river rapids, and all eyes find the spot where his fingers had been lodged into the tire. Carefully, slowly, his broken fingers are slid out of their confines, and Tadashi almost faints when he sees his bones sticking out. One of the paramedics looks away quickly, instead focusing on pressing at random places, and asking him calmly if it hurts. Tadashi doesn’t know how to tell her everything hurts without bursting into tears, and so he waits until she reaches the broken rib to yelp, starling the rest of the paramedics as they come up with a stretcher. The girl tells them something that Tadashi can’t hear, nor can he understand from her lip movement, and Tadashi frowns. So do the other paramedics. One of them -- a blond man who looks like he might be eighteen -- kneels down as the girl and their counterpart lift him onto the stretcher carefully. 

He asks Tadashi something -- what’s his name, maybe? Where’s his mother? And Tadashi still can’t hear over the ringing in his ears and so he moves his right arm to tap at his ears, hoping the blond man understands; because the pain all over his body is dizzying, and Tadashi thinks he might black out. The man looks confused for a moment, before he frowns, and says something that Tadashi is just starting to make out when the pain takes over and he starts to go to sleep, the loud screeching of the ambulance sirens being the last thing he hears as his vision goes black.

When Tadashi wakes, he’s in a hospital bed, his left hand in a cast that focuses mainly on his broken fore, middle, and ring fingers, and his ribs wrapped. His right ankle hurts, and so does his head.  _ God _ , does his head hurt. 

Tadashi is drifting back off to sleep when his mother walks in, looking stressed. When she sees Tadashi is awake, she perks up and rushes to him, talking wildly. Tadashi can hear somewhat clearly, now, without the ringing and the sirens, but her words are fast and sound like they’re . Tadashi taps his ear when she pulls away from hugging him, and she flushes, pulling a box out of her backpack, producing a shiny new pair of hearing aids. Tadashi gapes-- hearing aids are expensive, he’d thought it would take his mother months -- at  _ least _ \-- to save up for a new pair. She helps him put them in his ears, and flips them on for him. 

“Better?”

Tadashi nods, though his head still protests. “Better. What happened, mama?” 

His mother is quick to rush into an explanation. A hit and run, the police say-- he’d been biking when a clearly drunk driver turned the corner and swerved onto the sidewalk, hitting him and knocking him off of his bike. A woman saw from her home, and called the authorities. Tadashi listens to the story with avid curiosity, latching onto every one of his mother’s words. 

“A drunk person? At seven o’clock at night?” Tadashi questions when his mother is done. She nods solemnly. 

“Some people drink a lot. He must’ve run out of beer and gone to the liquor store a few blocks away from the park. The idiot should’ve known when to stop. He-- he shouldn’t have…” Tadashi’s mother breaks into a sob, and hugs Tadashi close. Tadashi lifts his good hand to pat her back. “I almost lost you…” 

“I’m sorry mama.” Tadashi whispers. His mother pulls back and stares at him    


“It’s not your fault, Tadashi. It’s not your fault.” 

Tadashi and his mother talk for a while longer, until his mother’s pager goes off. Tadashi frowns. “You have to go back to work?” 

His mother nods. “I was on duty when they brought you in. I’ll be off in an hour or so, but they want you to stay the night to keep watch over your concussion and they’re moving another boy in here a while later, so I can’t spend the night with you. Will you be ok alone?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” The thought of another boy that he doesn’t know rooming with him, but he knows how hospitals work; he’d stayed the night many a time, he’d slept in the ER waiting room because his mum couldn’t find a babysitter, or that time he got pneumonia, he slept in the same room as a younger child that had pneumonia as well, but she was asleep most of the time. He has no idea how well he’ll be able to take sleeping alone with a strange boy. 

His mother leaves, and Tadashi is alone. 

As promised, a half an hour later, as Tadashi is drifting back off to sleep, another boy is wheeled into the room in a wheelchair. He’s blonde, and tall, and looks absolutely  _ pissed _ . Tadashi feels his anxiety rising just looking at him. The nurses settle the boy into the bed across from Tadashi’s, and they’re left alone. The boy huffs, and crosses his arms, and Tadashi tries not to stare. He’s just so...pretty. And scary. 

The clock on the wall in between the beds reads nine thirty, and Tadashi decides to get ready for bed. Shifting in bed despite his injured body screaming in protest, Tadashi slips off his hearing aids and sets them on the table next to his bed. The hospital chatter dims down to a low murmur, and Tadashi lets his eyes slip closed.

The next morning comes sooner than Tadashi would like, and when he slips on his hearing aids, he can hear whispering across the room. He looks over, and finds his mother conversing with a blonde woman. 

“Mama?..” 

His mother looks over at him, and smiles. “Tadashi! Honey, how are you feeling?”

“My head hurts, but I think I’m ok…” Tadashi says, his voice filled with sleep. He nods to the woman sitting next to his mother, and asks, “Wh- Who’s this?..” 

“Ah, this is Tsukishima Mei-san, she’s Kei-kun’s mother.” 

“...Kei-kun?..” 

“Kei didn’t introduce himself last night? Ah, that’s just like him, isn’t it? Kei is the young man you shared your room with.” Mei-san smiles and motions to the bed next to her, where the blonde boy from last night sleeps peacefully. Tadashi feels breathless-- he’s even more beautiful when he’s asleep, his face calm. Tadashi catches the flash of glasses on the table next to the boy’s bed, and can’t remember seeing them on his face last night. 

Tadashi knows he didn’t, but he feels the need to reassure Mei. “H- He might have, I- I was really tired last night…” 

“Oh, sweetie, no need to lie, Kei is a bit...shy…” Mei says, smiling lightly. 

“O- Oh…”

“Ah!” Tadashi startles, and his eyes shift to his mother looking at her watch. “The doctors should be making rounds, I need to start filling out Tadashi’s papers so I can get him home before my next shift and he’s stuck here for another twelve hours.”

“Ah, I should probably do so for Kei, too, his father will be here to pick him up soon.” Mei-san says, and the women stand, Mei-san straightening out her skirt, Tadashi’s mother straightening her scrubs, and they make their way to the door. 

“I’ll be back with your clothes in a little bit, Tashi, love you!” 

“L- Love you, mama!”

And he’s alone with a strange boy once again. 

Eventually, his roommate -- Kei, Tadashi reminds himself -- sits up, and rubs at his eyes. Tadashi watches as Kei pulls his glasses off the table and slides them on. When his eyes find Tadashi’s, he flushes and looks away. 

“H- Hi, ah…” Tadashi figures he shouldn’t call Kei by his given name, but he can’t remember his last name. “Ts- Tsu-- Tsukish… Tsu...kki...I- I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi…” 

Kei frowns. “‘Tsukki’?..” 

“I-- I don’t know your...I don’t know your last name. Your mum was here earlier and she told me, but I didn’t...I couldn’t remember it…” Tadashi flushes red, and bites his lip. “Sorry…” 

Kei rolls his eyes. “Whatever. What are you in here for? I broke my collarbone falling out of a tree. The doctors want to make sure I didn’t do any internal damage; cool, right?” 

“I...Got hit by a car…” 

Kei looks worried at Tadashi’s words. 

“Th- The guy that hit you, he’s in jail, right?..He stopped and helped and turned himself in, right?..” Tadashi shakes his head and Kei scoffs. “Pathetic. People like that need to think less about themselves and more of the people they’re hurting.” 

“I--Yeah. I suppose so.” 

Kei leans back onto his bed, looking up at the ceiling. “What would you do if you saw the guy that hit you? If you got to talk to him?” 

“I...I suppose I would...I-- I...I don’t know?..” 

“If I were you, I would yell at him.”

“I-- I don’t want to make him upset! I don’t know him!” 

Kei scoffs. “You’re too soft. I bet you get picked on a lot at school.”

Tadashi flinches, and stays silent. Kei looks over at Tadashi, and when he still doesn’t answer, sits up.

“Wait, do you--” 

“Alright! Tadashi and Kei, right? How are you two feeling?”

Their doctor enters the room, and their conversation is cut off. As soon as Tadashi is cleared to leave, he jumps up, whimpering when his ribs shift and he puts weight on his ankle. His mother lifts him up easily enough, hushing him and cooing softly, and then they’re leaving, Tadashi’s mother with a prescription for pain medication in her scrub pocket, and Tadashi in her arms. Tadashi waves weakly with his good hand to Kei, feeling somewhat sad to be leaving his roommate. 

Maybe they’ll meet again soon. 

  
  
  


Tadashi ends up meeting Kei sooner than he’d thought. A few days after he returns to school, Tadashi is sitting in his classroom, waiting for class to start, when his teacher enters, a blonde boy with his arm in a cast following with a bored look on his face. Tadashi’s eyes widen when he sees him, and he raises his hand lightly to wave. 

Kei’s eyes meet Tadashi’s and he stares, eyes wide, and smiles softly. 

“Class, this is Tsukishima Kei, your new classmate. Tsukishima-kun, why don’t you tell the class something about yourself?” 

Kei looks her dead in the eyes, blinks, and says, “No thanks.” 

“O- Oh…” The class laughs and their round-faced homeroom teacher flushes. “Ok!.. Um...Wh- Why don’t you take a seat next to Kimura-kun?..Kimura-kun, raise your hand. Y- Yamaguchi-kun, since you’re next to the shelf, would you be so kind to get Tsukishima-kun his books?..” 

“Y- Yes, sensei,” Tadashi squeaks, hopping up clumsily from his seat, cringing when his ankle protests. His mother had bought him an ankle brace, but he’d left it at home so no one would take it from him. Carefully, he takes up one book from each pile on the bookshelf next to him and makes his way to Kei’s desk across the room. One boy trips him on his way over and Sensei glares at him in warning, but that doesn’t stop the snickers around the class. 

When Tadashi finally reaches Kei’s desk, Kei is frowning. 

“H- Here you go, Tsukki,” Tadashi mutters, setting the books down, and Kei smiles up at him from his seat. 

“Thanks, Yamaguchi,” Kei says loudly, reaching up a pale hand and softly bumping it to Tadashi’s cast. “I’m glad we’re in the same class.” 

Tadashi just nods and turns away, wondering why Kei is saying such things so loudly, like he’s acting like they’ve known each other for longer than the hour or so they spent together at the hospital. He can hear classmates whispering “Yamaguchi-kun knows the new kid?” as he limps his way back to his desk, and no one tries to mess with him. Sensei relaxes now that both he and Kei are settled in their desks and starts class, but Tadashi can’t focus. 

Tadashi is so focused on Kei’s words -- warm and inviting, different from when he spoke in the hospital -- that when sensei dismisses the class for lunch, he doesn’t even notice until a desk squeals against the floor, startling him out of his reverie. 

“Ts- Tsukki, hi…”

“Hey.” Kei sits on the chair he’d pulled up and drops his lunch on his desk, looking at Tadashi expectantly. “Are you going to get your lunch?..” 

“O- Oh! Right.” Tadashi hops up and makes his way to the cubbie holders in the corner of the classroom. He can feel his classmates watching him carefully as he pulls out his bento and makes his way back to his desk. As he sits down, Kei blinks tiredly up at him. 

“Everyone is staring at you.” 

“Y- Yeah, s- sorry about that…” Tadashi mumbles, tucking his hair behind his ear, and he sees Kei’s expression change. He holds his breath; would Kei be like the others, now? Would he leave him like Hikaru, like Haruhi? 

“I didn’t see those earlier, or I would have spoken louder…” Kei says, raising a hand and trailing a long finger delicately over the plastic encasing Tadashi’s ear. 

“I- It’s fine, I can hear you just fine the way you are,” Tadashi whispers, and opens his lunch up. Kei nods and his attention changes to his lunch as well, and he smirks when he sees Tadashi struggling with his chopsticks. 

“Are you just learning to eat or something, Yamaguchi?” He snickers, and Tadashi flushes. 

“N- No! I b- broke bones in my right hand, and I’m right handed! I d- don’t normally use my left to eat!” 

Kei snickers. “I got lucky and broke my left collar bone, so I can still eat without looking like an alien.” 

Tadashi sticks his tongue out at Kei. “ _ I’m _ the alien? Mister ‘won’t tell the class about myself’?” 

“I don’t want those neanderthals knowing anything that can make them think they’re my friends.” Kei says with a scoff. When Tadashi drops his pork for the fourth time in a row, Kei sighs and pokes his own chopsticks into Tadashi’s bento. “Here.” 

“Eh?” Tadashi looks down at the chopsticks offered to him, his own lunch balanced between the recyclable pieces of wood, and blinks up at Kei.

“Eat, dummy,” Kei says, rolling his eyes. “You obviously can’t feed yourself, so I’ll do it. But only for today; tomorrow, bring a fork or something.” 

“S- Sorry, Tsukki! I didn’t even think about that…”

“Whatever.” With that, Kei shoves the chopsticks into Tadashi’s mouth, ignoring the stares of their classmates. 

  
  
  


Kei thinks he and Tadashi could get along. Tadashi is nice, his voice is quiet, and he doesn’t expect Kei to talk. Besides, when he hangs out with Tadashi, none of their classmates come up to speak to him. It turns out that he’s in volleyball as well, too, so they get to spend more time together. Too bad they both have to sit out for a couple of weeks. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi, what way do you walk? I’ll walk you home.” 

“H- Huh? O- Oh, I walk this way…” Tadashi points in the same direction as Kei’s house, and he’s glad; he’d made the decision on a whim, he hadn’t even been thinking. 

“Cool, me too.” 

Tadashi scrambles to pack his schoolwork into his bag, and makes his way to Kei, who had almost forgotten he had a bad ankle. He would need to slow his pace for Tadashi, but he doesn’t mind much. They make their way down the road, and Tadashi starts talking about school. His voice is soft, warm, and Kei feels oddly content. He’d never felt this calm with anyone from his old school, and it’s strangely pleasing. Akiteru-nii will be happy to hear.

“Ts- Tsukki?..” 

Kei hums in acknowledgement, and looks down at Tadashi. 

“I h- I have a question…” 

Kei quirks an eyebrow, and frowns. This might not be good. “Ok...Go ahead.” 

“I-- Why… Why are you being nice to me?.. Not many people are, and-- even then, they...they’re only nice to me when nobody is watching me…” 

Kei’s heart breaks a little, then, and he stops walking, turning to he fully faces Tadashi. “Well, I’m not like them. I think you’re cool.” 

Tadashi laughs so hard he  _ snorts  _ and Kei blinks, confused. Tadashi is quite peculiar. 

“I'm far from cool, Tsukki,” Tadashi says, smiling, and they continue walking. 

“I think you are,” Kei says, and Tadashi giggles again. “But I guess, since we're asking questions, I get one too?”

“I- I guess.”

“Why do you keep calling me ‘Tsukki’ when you know my last name now?”

Kei sees Tadashi’s cheeks light up pink, and smirks. “I- I just… ‘Tsukishima’ is-- it's a long name, and s- sometimes I stumble over my words…” 

Kei’s noticed Tadashi’s tendency to stutter when using larger words. Kei doesn't see how he says his own last name, if he has such trouble, but he supposes Tadashi’s had practice along the years. 

Kei shrugs. “Ok.” 

The two walk past a park where a group of their classmates are hanging around. One of them calls out to Tadashi: “Oi! Tadashi! Find a bodyguard, did you?! Well,you'd better not get used to it! He'll get tired of you soon enough!”

“Yeah! And then it's backpack duty for the rest of your life!” 

“Yeah, your  _ miserable  _ life!” .

Tadashi shrinks down in size with every taunt, closing in on himself, and Kei frowns. 

“They're being mean to you.” 

“S- Sorry, Tsukki. It's nothing, ign--”

Kei raises his voice, and pretends as if he's just talking to Tadashi. “It's pathetic.” 

Tadashi’s eyes widen. “Ts- Tsukki--!”

“What’d he say?!” 

Kei smirks as the group of boys run up to them, and the one he assumes is the leader grabs him by the arm. 

“H- Hey!” 

Kei whirls around, and gives the three boys his worst glare. “ _ What _ ?” 

Instantly the boys cower under his gaze, and Kei feels laughter bubbling up. He snickers. “You really are pathetic. You're barely bigger than Yamaguchi and  _ you're _ ragging on  _ him _ . Are you insecure or something?” 

The leader starts to stutter. “I- I, uh…” 

“Yamaguchi is just fun to pick on! You would know if you just tr--” 

“Too much effort.” Kei says, sighing. He turns, leaving the bullies behind, and drags a gaping Tadashi along by the hand. He calls over his shoulder, “I don't want to hear you've been messing with Yamaguchi again.” 

Even though it's only his first day or school, his first encounter with these boys, Tsukishima Kei’s made it clear that he's in charge now, and he sees the admiration in Tadashi’s eyes as he pulls him along, hand still entwined with his own. 

When Kei gets home, his mother asks if he'd met Tadashi again. His mother had been in contact with Tadashi’s since they shared a hospital room, and she knew before Kei did that they would be going to school with Tadashi. He sees his mother's hopeful smile, and he can't deny her the truth. He remembers Tadashi’s smile, how bright it is, and how it makes him feel safe. Even if it's only been a day, Kei feels like he and Tadashi are going to get along.

He thinks of Tadashi getting hurt and feels the need to protect him. 

Yeah, he and Tadashi are going to get along. 


	2. eleven

“Yamaguchi, come on.” Tadashi finches and looks up at Kei. Two uneventful years later, they're eleven, and Tadashi and Kei are still friends -- much to both boy’s surprise. Tadashi’s bullies don't come around anymore, and though his classmates still aren't the nicest, but his elementary experience is pretty good, now. They walk to and from school together now, and Kei keeps him safe. 

Tadashi scrambles up and follows Kei out of their classroom, and they start to make their way to their homes. 

“I’m kind of glad that we don’t have practice, today, I think I’m getting a cold.” 

Kei hums, and hikes his bag up his shoulder. He is as well, and he hopes he’s relayed that. He isn’t too good with words. They walk, Tadashi taking most of the walk, and when they reach the intersection where they split off, Kei grabs Tadashi by the wrist and says what he’s been meaning to say for a while.

“I- I...Hey, Yamaguchi, do you want to spend the night?.. Y- You don’t have to, but--” 

“I’d love to, Tsukki! I need to call my mum, but I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear!” 

“G- Great.” So Kei pulls Tadashi by the hand along the sidewalk and to the front door of his home. 

“I’m home!” 

“P- Pardon the intrusion!” 

Kei’s mother greets the boys as they’re sliding off their shoes, smiling lightly. “Hello, Kei dear, hello Tadashi-kun!” 

“H- Hello, Tsu- Tsukishi...Tsukshim- Tsukishima-san...” 

Kei’s mother giggles, and pats Tadashi’s arm. “Oh, dear, call me Mei!” 

“O- Of course! Thank you!” Tadashi bows, and Mei smiles softly at Kei, who stands behind him. 

“Yamaguchi is staying the night, is that ok?” Kei asks. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask him over~!” 

Kei flushes. “Mom!” 

“Kei is so shy, he often can’t get words out, you know?” Mei says, smiles. 

“Mom, stop!” 

“Oh, I’m being embarrassing! Ha ha, ok, you two, go off, I’ll call your mother, ok, Tadashi-kun?” 

“O- Ok..!” 

Kei is just starting to push Tadashi off towards his bedroom when the door busts open behind them, causing Tadashi to flinch and Kei to pause in his incessant pushing. 

“I’m home safe!” 

“Welcome home, Akiteru dear!” 

“A- Akiteru?..” Tadashi whispers, looking back at Kei. “Y- Your brother?..” 

“Yeah.” Kei whispers back, a grin on his face. “I want you to meet him.” 

With that, Kei whirls around and rushes up to Akiteru, letting Tadashi fall to the ground with a yelp, and jumps on his brother as he takes off his shoes. “Akiteru-nii-chan!” 

“Hi, Kei,” Akiteru laughs, straightening and pulling Kei farther up on his back. “How was school?” 

“Good! I have a friend over, I want you to meet him.” 

“Really?” Akiteru raises his eyebrow discreetly at their mother, who just smiles and motions them to come farther into the house. In the hallway they’re greeted by Tadashi, standing awkwardly and fiddling with his fingers. Akiteru gasps over-exaggeratedly. “Is this handsome fella your friend, Kei? Because if not, can he be mine?” 

Tadashi’s cheeks tinge red, and Kei giggles; the sound is enough to turn Tadashi even redder. He’s never heard Kei giggle, only laugh or snicker at someone else’s expense. “This is Yamaguchi Tadashi; he’s my friend and he’s spending the night.” 

Akiteru smiles, wide, and bends down to be eye level with Tadashi. Kei hops off his back and smiles at Tadashi, something he rarely sees. It vaguely occurs that Kei is a far different person at home, and the fact brings a smile to his mouth before Akiteru starts speaking again. “I’m Akiteru, Kei’s older brother! Please call me Aki-nii, ok?” 

“O- Of course, Aki-nii!.. Ts- Tsukki’s told me a- a lot about you…” 

Akiteru smiles at this, but raises an eyebrow about Tadashi’s calling Kei “Tsukki”. 

“Yamaguchi has a bit of a stutter, so he calls me ‘Tsukki’ instead of Tsukishima…” Kei explains.

“Ah, I see.” Akiteru ruffles Tadashi’s hair. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Tadashi!” 

“I- It’s nice to meet you too!”

Akiteru laughs, and Kei grabs Tadashi’s hand. “We’re going to hang out in my room for a while. We’ll see you at dinner.” 

“Ok! Do you two want to practice volleyball after dinner?” 

Tadashi’s eyes widen, and Kei grins. “Sure, Akiteru-nii!” 

Kei pulls Tadashi off, and they’re alone soon enough. 

“I- I like your family...” Tadashi says, voice soft, as if he’s scared he’ll break the moment. 

“I’m glad.”

Kei falls onto his bed, pulling Tadashi with, and for a minute they just watch the ceiling.

After a few minutes of silence, Kei opens his mouth to speak. “So...what do we do now? I- I’ve never had a sleepover…” 

“M- Me neither…”

“Oh.” Kei supposes, Tadashi’s been bullied so long, he probably hasn’t had a friend to  _ have _ a sleepover with.

“Do we...talk about...boys?.. They do that on tv…” 

“I think that’s only girls that do that.” 

“Oh.” 

“Video games?” 

“I like video games.” 

“Me too.” 

So they play video games (after a bit of oogling at the systems Kei has from Tadashi). Kei is very clearly better at the games they play, because he has experience, but Tadashi is surprisingly better at racing games.

After the first sleepover, there are many more. They do more than play volleyball and video games, they build forts and watch movies, and play other games with Akiteru (Tadashi isn't too good at any of them, but the brothers are kind enough to go easy on him). However, this particular Saturday night as Tadashi enters the Tsukishima household, he has a ridiculous grin on his face. He launches himself at Kei and wraps him in a tight hug. 

“Tsukki!” 

“Wh- What’s gotten into you, why are you so happy?!” 

Tadashi smiles a toothless grin at Kei. “My mum bought a house! One with  _ three _ bedrooms! We’ve been saving up forever, and she finally has enough in the bank to get a loan! We’re going to have a house!”

Kei smiles, and Tadashi beams back; after nine years of living in the same, small, one bedroom apartment, Tadashi is finally moving into a house. Kei can feel his heartstrings tighten at the prospect of Tadashi moving farther away, but if he’s in a good environment... “That’s great, Yamaguchi. I’m happy for you.” 

“--And it’s nearby! I think she said it was only two blocks away from the hospital, which is...uh...five away from your house?..” 

“Four, but close enough.” 

“So I won’t have to walk so far to get to your house anymore!” Tadashi usually walks straight ten blocks past where Kei turns to go home. 

Kei smiles softly. “Yeah, and I’m sure you’ll have a lot of space and your mum might allow you to have friends over.” 

“Does this mean we can have sleepovers at my house when we get all moved in?” 

“Su--” 

_ “You bastard!”  _

Tadashi and Kei flinch, but it doesn’t miss Kei’s eyes the sharp intake of breath from Tadashi. 

_ “You bitch, you don’t do anything but spend money!”  _

_ “I have a  _ job _ , Kazuo! All  _ you _ do is gamble away the money I work so fucking hard for to take care of our children!”  _

“L- Let’s go upstairs.” Kei says softly, grabbing Tadashi by the hand and Tadashi allows himself to be dragged up the stairs and to Kei’s bedroom, where Akiteru is already waiting with a psp in hand. 

“Tadash! Hey!” 

_ “--fixed your drinking problem, you wouldn’t miss out on important events in your children’s lives!” _

_ “I don’t give a fuck about that!”  _

“H- Hi, Aki-nii.” 

“How are you?” 

“Tadashi’s mum found a house.” Kei supplies for Tadashi, dropping onto his bed, dragging Tadashi with him. “He’ll live closer, now.” 

“That’s good!” 

“--n’t you dare!” 

The door to Kei’s room busts open, and in an instant Akiteru is in front of both boys as their father pushes into the room, pushing his glasses up on his face and looking pissed. “You two. Come on, we’re getting out of--” 

“They’re staying here!” Mei hisses, pushing her husband hard. “You’re leaving! Alone! And I never want to see you again!”

Mr. Tsukishima scoffs. “Whatever. I didn’t want to take these brats either way.” 

...And just like that, Kei’s father is gone, and Mei leans against the wall, hands on her face. 

“I- I’m sorry you had to see that, Tadashi…” Akiteru whispers, turning and pressing a hand softly on both boy’s shaking shoulders. 

“They’ve been fighting for a while,” Kei’s voice comes out softer than even Akiteru’s words, and Tadashi can see tears building up in his eyes. “It’s probably best he’s leaving.” 

“It- It’s nothing a child should go through…” Tadashi knows as much. It took a lot of bravery on Tadashi’s mother’s end, to finally report his own father for his abusive behavior. “I- I’m sorry…”

“T- Tadashi-kun! I didn’t hear you come in.” Mei’s cheerful voice startles the boys, and they look at her with wary eyes. Tadashi wants to turn away when he sees her tear-stained face and faux smile. “I’ll make some tea for us, would you like tea?”

“I- I’ll help, if you’d like.” Tadashi offers up, knowing Mei won’t want to be alone. Not now.

Mei nods. “I- I’d like that…” 

Tadashi stands, and they make their way out of the room. They’re silent all the way to the kitchen; when they get there, it’s more Tadashi preparing the tea than Mei, but he’s fine with that. Mei’s been through a lot. 

Tadashi is just pouring the tea into four cups when she starts to sob. 

Starting and spilling tea as he sets the kettle down, Tadashi rushes to Mei’s side, hushing her. “Shh, M- Mei san, it’s o- ok…Shh...” 

“I thought he loved me!” Mei wails, wrapping her arms around Tadashi. “I thought he loved  _ us _ !” 

“I- I know…” He squeezes her lightly. “I know. Some people change…” 

“Y- You sound too mature, Tadashi.” Mei says. “You shouldn’t know these things…” 

“It’s ok. I’ve accepted it.” 

“Your father left, didn’t he?”

“Y- Yeah…” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s ok.” 

Mei sniffs. “Kei’s going to need you, Tadashi.” 

Tadashi nods. 

“He may not show it, but he’s really going to need a shoulder to cry on. He and his father, they were close, before he started drinking...He’s going to be upset.” 

“I’ll be there for him. I promise.” 

“I know you will be.” 

 

 

The divorce is long and tiring. It hurts Tadashi to see Kei pretending he’s not affected, and he wishes Kei would come and  _ talk _ to him. But he doesn’t. Tadashi knows other boys have been picking on Kei about the divorce. It’s not common for students in the area around them to live in a split family, which is why Tadashi wasn’t the most popular. And it hurts, seeing Kei like that. He doesn’t want to see Kei dim like him. 

They spend a lot of time at Tadashi’s new house nowadays, not wanting to be near the quiet, feelingless, empty shell of a house that Kei has to call home. Aoi is always accommodating, and there’s always an extra place set for Kei; if he doesn’t stay for dinner, he gets the leftovers for lunch (Mei is so busy with the divorce and her two jobs that she can’t always make bentos for the boys). Sleepovers are almost nightly now, and there’s a lot less excitement than their previous sleepovers. There’s a lot less playing video games and eating junk food and staying up late and more homework, chores, vegetables, and bed times. Not that either of the boys are complaining. 

“Boys, aren’t you both a bit too old to share a bed?” Aoi asks one night, as she’s tucking the boys into bed. The boys are in Tadashi’s bed, glasses and hearing aids deposited on the bedside table, two glasses of water probably a bit too close to the edge of the worn wood. 

“Nope!” Kei and Tadashi smile at Aoi as she stands at the door, hand hovering over the light switch. She smiles at them, and flicks off the light. Tadashi’s night light flicks on, and the boys lay down, pulling the blankets over themselves. 

In the dark, Tadashi smiles and allows his eyes to close as he opens his mouth to speak. His chest feels warm and content. “Hey Tsukki?” 

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.” 

There’s not even a second of hesitance before Kei replies. “I love you too.”

That’s that. Their first ‘I love you’, shared between yawns, limbs tangled, blankets nearly smothering them; neither one of them would have it any other way. 


	3. Twelve

In their last year of elementary school, and Akiteru’s last year of high school, there’s nothing much to be remembered. Akiteru is busy most of the time, and so volleyball practice after dinner no longer consists of the older Tsukishima, but rather only them. Neither of them mind. It’s nice and calm, just Kei and Tadashi. They bump and pass the ball and Tadashi tries out different positions-- Kei is set as middle blocker, despite his pleas to be a wing spiker, because of his height, but Tadashi is still a bit small and trying to find a good fit. 

Being twelve is hard. Their homework is getting harder and harder --  _ they’re working on algebra now  _ \-- and they’re having to worry about getting into a good middle school, so they can get into a good high school, and then a good college-- 

The thoughts, of course, have Tadashi’s anxiety through the roof. A lot of their free time nowadays is spent studying or laying in bed, trying to keep Tadashi calm enough to remember to breathe. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi, I’m going to see Karasuno’s match this weekend, wanna go with?” 

Tadashi looks up from his schoolwork and smiles at his best friend, who stands over him with an impressive height, trying to look uninterested in his proposition. Tadashi knows better though. 

“I- I know Aki-nii said not to go, because it’ll make him nervous,” Kei continues, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I don’t want to miss his last game in prefecture.” 

“Sure, Tsukki! I’d love to.” 

One of their classmates join in the conversation, grinning. “Your brother is on Karasuno’s team?! Mine is too, but he’s not a starter either, even though he’s a third year.” 

“Either?.. Aki-nii is a starter, though?..” Tadashi mutters, not expecting either of the two to hear. 

“Yeah, Aki-nii is a starter!” 

“Nuh-uh! I went to a game last week and there were no starters with the surname Tsukishima!” 

“You’re wrong.” 

“Fine. We’ll see at the match then!” 

“We will.” 

Tadashi just stares at the two, head whipping between determined glares, anxiety suddenly washing over him. He doesn’t want his best friend to get into a fight with their classmate. Kei Just scoffs, and turns away from the boy glaring him down. “Yamaguchi, come on, we’ll be late for practice.” 

“Y- Yeah, coming, Tsukki…” 

Tadashi spends the rest of the week worrying about the game. He has no doubt that Karasuno will win-- but now that their classmate -- he later finds out his name is Kenji -- has brought up the thought that Akiteru isn’t a starter, he can very clearly see the cogs turning in Kei’s head. He sees the thoughts swirling through Kei’s mind after yet another dodged question about practice, another decline to join the boys in the back garden to play. Tadashi himself is starting to think maybe Akiteru isn’t a starter. 

He’d never say that in front of Kei, though. 

When the weekend finally comes, and the match is approaching, Tadashi feels anxiety gnawing at his stomach. Kei drags him through the tournament hall, determined to prove Keni wrong, and they’re not any sooner in the crowd of people watching than they’re staring across the court at the bleachers above the benches on Karasuno’s side of the court. 

Kenji is getting in Kei’s face, and Kei has this look in his eyes, one that says he’s going to break down, so Tadashi pushes him away. He’s never done anything like that. There’s a look in Kenji’s eyes as Tadashi takes Kei’s hand and tries to tug him away. 

“Ts- Tsukki, c’mon, let’s go. You don’t want to watch.” 

“...Pathetic…” 

“H- Huh?” 

Kei shakes his head, and turns his direction back to the court. He stays rooted where he is, and so Tadashi brings himself back to his side. When he tries to retract his hand, however, Kei’s own holds onto it with a vice grip. So they watch the game, hands locked, and staring down at the court. The cheering is so loud, Tadashi has to turn off his hearing aids and even then he can hear yelling and the screech of tennis shoes on the shiny gym floor clear as day. 

Neither one of them look up to the bleachers across from them the entire game. 

“Tsukki--” 

“Shut up.” 

“--I’m sure Aki-nii didn’t mean to lie--” 

“Shut up!” 

“--He probably just wanted to protect y--” 

A hand reaches out towards Tadashi, and he flinches, but Kei only switches on his hearing aids. 

“I don’t want to talk about it. Ok?” 

“A- Ah...Sorry…” 

They walk home, and that’s that. Kei stays at Tadashi’s that night. Nothing is said about Akiteru. The game isn’t brought up. 

Later that night, when they’re trying to sleep, and Kei thinks Tadashi is already out cold, Kei cries. 

  
  
  


Kei’s been getting into fights. No one knows why -- he’d fallen back into routine, after the Akiteru incident -- but he tosses it up with whoever he can. More bruises than normal for a ten year old and two pairs of broken glasses in two months speaks for themselves. The other boys are picking on Kei. They say that he was proud of his brother all this time and he’d just been lied to-- they say Akiteru obviously doesn’t care as much about Kei as Kei does Akiteru. 

Kei always holds his tears until he and Tadashi are alone (he’s gotten past trying to wait until Tadashi’s asleep).

There are even more sleepovers at Tadashi’s house, now, which is actually how their first fight comes to be. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing, after all, and they learn it the hard way. 

Tadashi’s hearing is getting worse, and -- belatedly entering his troublesome stage -- he refuses to wear his hearing aids at home. Which isn’t much trouble for Aoi, because she’d been teaching her son sign language since she found out about his hearing problems, but for Kei it’s near impossible. Even raising his voice to almost a yell, Tadashi still strains to hear, and Kei doesn’t want to disturb Aoi’s sleep when she’s tired from her twelve-hour shift at the hospital.

He’s frustrated. He wants to talk with Tadashi, but he’s using more and more sign language as he learns, and Kei doesn’t know a lick of it. He’s frustrated, and tired, and so he snaps. 

Tadashi is in the middle of a story about the sign language tutor he goes to after club activities, something about how she taught him a pun in sign language, and Kei can’t take it anymore. He stands abruptly, and walks out of Tadashi’s room. He doesn’t even care he’s left all of his things, including his house key, in there, he just needs to leave. He can’t stand it; Tadashi is basically yelling at him, voice happy, words slurring together. He’s  _ changing _ , and Kei  _ hates _ change. 

He can hear Tadashi yelling after him, but he doesn’t turn around. He just keeps staring forward as he makes his way to the door, face blank as he slides on his shoes. Aoi is looking at him with concern written in her features, but does nothing to stop Kei as he leaves.

He doesn’t turn back until he’s down the street, and the sight of Tadashi near-tears on his front porch staring after him is enough to bring his own tears up. He turns, and immediately books it, running off. Running away from everything, from Tadashi, from his best friend’s changing life, because it  _ hurts _ . It’s becoming harder and harder to communicate with the only person who likes him. 

“Kei, I thought you were staying the night at Tada--” 

“Tadashi is stupid!” 

“K- Kei!” 

Kei runs up to his room, slams the door with tears in his eyes, and this time, he has no one to cry to. 

The only other person Kei trusts, the only one he can talk to about his feelings, can’t even bother to  _ listen _ to him. God, he feels pathetic. Two years they’ve known each other. It was a good run, but Kei doesn’t know if their relationship can continue. He hates thinking about it. 

He needs to talk to someone, but he’s just left the one person he can confide in four blocks away crying on his porch steps. He almost doesn’t remember what he did before Tadashi, but of course he does. So, holding his breath, Kei goes to Akiteru’s room. 

  
  
  


Tadashi can’t breathe. Kei left. Kei left, why did he leave? Had Tadashi done something wrong? He was only talking. Maybe he said something wrong? No, he couldn’t have. He was telling a joke Mika-san had told him. Maybe he did something earlier and Kei finally couldn’t take it.  _ God, what did he do?  _

His mother holds him tight, her high-pitched cooing hitting Tadashi’s ears, and he wants to scream. He just wants to know what he did, so he can fix it! Kei is his only friend, if he leaves, he’ll have no one, and he’ll be bullied again. 

“Shh, Tadashi, you’re ok,” His mother coos, and Tadashi realizes he’s said his thoughts out loud. “You two will be best friends again soon enough.” 

“B- But what if we’re not?!” 

“You will be, baby, I promise.” 

Aoi’s cell phone goes off, and she lifts Tadashi up, propping him on her his as she flips it open and answers. 

“Hello?” 

“Aoi!” 

“Mei!” Aoi looks down at her sniffling boy, and frowns. Setting him on the couch in the living room, she makes her way to the kitchen with the promise of tea. “Mei-chan, what happened? Kei-kun just left, and he looked very upset! Tadashi doesn’t know what he did, he thinks Kei hates him!” 

“I don’t know,” Mei groans into the receiver, “I was hoping you knew! Kei, the doll, he’s never been good with words. He just stormed in, and when I asked why he wasn’t at your place with Tadashi, he just yelled ‘Tadashi is stupid’ and ran up to his room! I don’t know what to do, he won’t talk to me!” 

“Oh, no…” Aoi groans as well. “We have our work cut out for us, don’t we?..” 

“I just want them to be friends after this,” Mei says, and she sounds close to tears. “K- Kei’s never been good at making friends, and T- Tadashi’s all he has..! A- After everything with Akiteru, I… He’ll never be able to trust anyone, if he leaves Tadashi now.” 

Aoi feels tears prick in her eyes. Tadashi-- he doesn’t have anyone else, either. “T- Tadashi was crying, an- and he said...he didn’t want to get bullied anymore. K- Kei protects him! Wh- What if the boys start picking on him again?!” 

Both women are in tears, now in fear of their boys’ futures. 

“W- We need to fix it!” Mei sobs.

“N- No, we can’t! They need to fix it themselves. We can’t just force them to be friends again…” 

“B- But what if they never are?”

“They will be. I can tell.” 

_ I hope, anyway.  _

Monday comes faster than both boys would like. The walk is lonely; Tadashi went to their meeting spot, but Kei isn’t there. He sees the leering eyes of his peers as he passes through the park he first met Kei, and he wants to run away. No, he  _ needs _ to run-- but his feet feel like lead, and he can’t move any faster. One of his classmates hollers at him-- something about him “losing” his “bodyguard.” He tries to pay it no mind as he finally enters the school building. 

Kei is already in their classroom when he walks in, glaring down at his book, and Tadashi makes his way over with shuddering breath. His chest feels heavy.

“Ts-- Tsukki..?” 

Kei doesn’t respond, but the grip on his book tightens, and tadashi knows he heard. 

“Ts- Tsukki, I-- I just wanted to...to say I- I’m sorry…” He bites his lip. “I- I didn’t mean to upset you, I-- I didn’t..! I- I w- wan- want to fix-- to fix i- it.”

Silence. Cold, deafening silence. Tadashi sucks in a breath. 

“P- Please an- answer m- me, at l- least!.. E- Even an ‘ap- apology not accepted’ would do. J- Just don’t give me the silent treatment.” 

Finally, Kei looks up. Tadashi wishes he hadn’t. His glare is razor-sharp and angry, and  _ aimed directly at him _ . Tadashi actually backs away, yelping when he bumps into the desk behind him. Kei opens his mouth to say something, but Tadashi is already scrambling to his desk. 

Sitting down as their teacher enters, Tadashi tries to breathe. Kei glared at him. Kei  _ glared _ at him. Kei glared at  _ him _ . It’s an occurrence that’s never happened before; sure, the blond had glared at him before, but never ever  _ ever _ with such  _ malice _ , such-- such  _ disdain _ . The reminder that Kei hates him and he doesn’t know why has Tadashi dizzy with apprehension.  _ Breathe, Dashi,  _ breathe _. It’s ok. You’re ok. Tsukki is just a little cranky, is all. You’re fine.  _

“--dashi-kun? Are you alright?..” 

“F- Fi…” Fine. Just say it! “I- I’m f...fi...” 

Of course, before Tadashi can reply, he feels himself tilting sideways, eyes going black. 

Pain. Searing,  _ overwhelming _ pain. It’s unlike anything Tadashi has ever felt, and he’s felt a lot of things. There’s yelling and laughter around him, and he hears the light, airy voice of his teacher above all else--  _ on the phone? Shouldn’t class be starting? Why is everyone being so loud? _ He tries to crack open his eyes but it  _ hurts _ , hurts in a  _ new _ way, not in a numbingly old way,  _ this isn’t good, what happened-- _

“Tadashi, can you hear me?..” 

Tadashi tries to nod, but whimpers in pain when dizziness overwhelms him. 

“Shh, it’s ok, Tadashi-- everyone, stop it this instant! Get away from Tadashi-- he-- hey! Everyone get to your desks, now! Hotarou-kun, and everyone else in the seks near Tadashi’s, grab your chairs carefully and go sit at my desk, ok?” 

“Yes, sensei!” 

Finally, Tadashi can open his eyes, and in an instant the classroom lights blind him and he closes them. He opens his mouth and mumbles, “b- bright…”

“Kei-chan, turn off the front lights, will you?” 

“Yes, sensei.” 

A moment later the brightness is gone, and Tadashi opens his eyes once more. He tries to sit up, but sensei holds him down. “Tadashi-kun, you hit your head real bad, so I’m going to have you lay down, ok?..” 

“Wh- What happened?..” 

“You fainted, dear,” Sensei says, and Tadashi frowns. “You looked awfully pale, and when I asked you if you were ok, you couldn’t even answer me before you fell and hit your head right on Hotarou-kun’s desk. You poor thing.” 

“I- I..?” 

“Fainted. You do remember what that means, right, Tadashi-kun?” 

“Y- Yes, but…” 

“You know you can always stay home if you’re sick, daring, you’re a smart boy, you’ll catch up quickly enough.” 

“I-- I felt fine, though..? I-- I was breathing funny, and it was getting blurry, but I was fine wh- when I left…” 

“No worries, now, dear. There’s an ambulance coming to bring you to the hospital, and your mother will meet you there. You can tell the doctors just that, ok?” 

“O- Ok…” 

Tadashi doesn’t remember much after that. He knows he went to the hospital, he knows his mother held him so tight he couldn’t breathe again, he knows he went home, but he can’t  _ remember _ it all. Knowing and remembering is two different things. What he  _ does _ remember, though, is the soft whispers of someone that was not a doctor and was not his mother while he slept on a cot in A&E. 

_ “Will he be alright?”  _

_ “I’m sure he will. He’s strong.”  _

_ “H- He hit his head pretty hard…”  _

_ “Yes, he did.”  _

_ “There was b- blood!..”  _

_ “Don’t worry, dear, the crack was all fixed. He’ll heal up just nicely.”  _

The crack in his head wasn’t completely fixed, but Tadashi figures his mother is trying to cheer up the terrified-sounding stranger. When he comes back to school two days later, it’s with staples in his skull and a pristine white bandage around his head. More and more people stare at him, now, and there are whispers accompanied with them.  _ Did you see him? Yeah, the fifth grader that passed out and cracked his head open. I heard there was blood everywhere. Really? No, no, I heard the teacher passed out right after seeing it. Yeah. He has, like, half his skull missing now.  _

It becomes harder and harder to ignore the whispers, so Tadashi switched his hearing aids off until class. 

At lunch, Tadashi doesn’t even think about going to Kei’s desk; it’s clear that he’s not wanted, and so Tadashi stays seated at his desk. Of course, there are downsides to sitting alone. Like the fact that his classmates start flooding him with attention, and not negative attention like he’s used to, but curious attention. He has a whole crowd around his desk, and he just wants to eat, but their prying questions fill his head and soon it starts to ache. He’s lost his appetite. 

“So how did it feel, Tadashi?” 

“You got to go to the hospital in an ambulance!” 

“Yeah, that must’ve been so cool!” 

“Were you awake for that? Did you get to put on the sirens?” 

“Did you need more blood? Th- There was a lot on the floor…” 

“Did it do anything to fix your ears? I heard sometimes big hits to the head do that kinda stuff!” 

“Yeah, yeah, me too! Did it?!” 

They come so quick and so loud, and Tadashi suddenly feels that dizziness he felt when he fainted once again. Everyone is so  _ close-- everyone who used to be so mean to him before, they’re all surrounding him-- _

“Alright, all of of you, get away, let him eat.” 

There are groans, and then the crowd thins. Tadashi can breathe again. With a soft sigh, Tadashi looks up to his savior, and -- promptly -- squeaks, trying to get away. 

“I-- Ts- Tsukki!... H- Hi…” 

Kei pulls up a chair, and plops down next to him. “Just eat, idiot.” 

“Y- Yeah, o- of course, sorry, Tsukki!” Why is he apologizing? He doesn’t know. Kei was being very snippy with him, even though  _ he _ came to sit with  _ Tadashi _ . It occurs to Tadashi that maybe Kei doesn’t like his chattering as much as he thought, and makes a resolution to keep quiet. 

So he does. For the rest of lunch, he doesn’t talk, only to offer a bite of his food, and this only serves to make Kei even more angry, if his face is anything to go off of. Tadashi’s never been more glad when sensei finally calls an end to lunch. 

Later that day, when Tadashi heads home, it’s alone. Kei didn’t meet up with him at the gates.   
  
  


 

It’s not that Kei’s angry. He’ not. He just-- He doesn’t know how to tell Tadashi what’s wrong. After the accident in class, and riding along in the ambulance with Tadashi, he’d had a long talk with Aoi. She explained that things are going to change with Tadashi as he grows older, and that they’re both going to have to deal with it if they want to make it as friends; god, does Kei want to be friends. He just...Can’t find a way to tell Tadashi that he’s jealous of his second life. His  _ deaf _ life. 

He has to, now, though; he knows the accident is his fault (though he doesn’t know exactly how), and he doesn’t want another incident like it to happen. 

Which is how, five days after he ran out of Tadashi’s home in a fit of anger, he finds himself at Tadashi’s sign language tutors’ house, holding a piece of paper that simply says “help me.” 

  
  


 

“Tadashi? I believe there’s someone here to see you.” Tadashi furrows his brows as his mind processes his mother’s signing. Someone to see him?.. He raises his hands to win back  _ who _ , but she’s already continuing. “Hold on, be right back.” 

A second later, she enters, pushing Kei encouragingly, and Tadashi panics. He flies up from his seat on his bedroom floor, and scrambles away. He finds himself stammering, lost for words,, though he can barely hear his voice over the blood pounding in his ears. “Ts- Tsukki! Hi, uh-- I- I’m n- not feeling good--” 

Kei cuts Tadashi off with a hand to his shoulder. Then, clear as day, he signs: “I’m jealous.” 

Tadashi almost faints again, he’s so surprised. Then he frowns. He signs, “Jealous? Why?” 

Kei looks to his mother for help, and Aoi smiles.

“Tadashi, Kei thinks you’re leaving him behind, when you sign all the time. He doesn’t know how; he asked Mari-chan for help to tell you that.” 

Tadashi looks between his mother and hi best friend, and suddenly, tears are welling up and he’s crying. He flings himself at Kei, a blubbering mess, and they tumble to the floor. 

He speaks through his tears, however, promising over and over that he’ll teach Kei to sign with him. He doesn’t want to lose his best friend, ever ever ever again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm using the English grammar syntax not the ASL or sign grammar syntax bc that would sound s o b a d so lol also Tsukki doesn't understand that Tadashi's Deaf World is his World World nor does he understand Deaf Culture these poor boys need help


	4. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lmao I had to change the ages to fit with Japanese school year ages f u c k me I thought I had it right I was a year off

Middle school. A.K.A. hell, as Kei puts it (Tadashi doesn’t like that his best friend has picked up the habit of swearing, but he doesn’t mention it). The boys hates it. They’re in separate classes this year, and it makes this hell hole just a little more horrible, not being able to see their best friend there across the room from them. Now, Kei insists, he’s stuck, the only one that ever seems to know what he’s doing in a room full of imbeciles. There are a few souls he can get along with, but none as easily as Tadashi. He still won’t eat lunch with them, and so he eats it alone; Tadashi’s lunch time is different from his own. 

They see each other during club activities, though; it’s the only reason Kei joined again. He and Tadashi are so busy, that even when they get time alone together, it’s spent doing  _ homework _ . Not that it’s all that hard, at least not to Kei, but there’s _ a lot  _ of it. Too much of it. 

“Tsukki! We’ll be late if you don’t hurry!” 

“You can always go ahead of me…” 

“Such a grump, Tsukki! Cheer up!”

Kei smiles a little bit at Tadashi’s cheerful voice, and this brings an even bigger grin to Tadashi’s face. He flushes, turning his face away from the brunet, and speeds up just the slightest. Stupid Tadashi with his stupid smile. Kei can’t help but smile too, whenever he sees it, and he has a reputation to uphold. 

“Tsukishima, Yamaguchi you’re late!” 

Kei feels himself stiffen at the voice of their captain. He… He gets a bad vibe from him.

“Tsukki was just dragging his feet, Nanase-senpai,” Tadashi says, stepping up. Kei grimaces, and pulls Tadashi back by the wrist. “It won’t happen again. But why are  _ you _ late?” 

Nanase Kentaro glares down at Tadashi, and then up at Kei (because it’s just his luck he’s taller than his senpai). His arms are crossed, and he doesn’t look happy. “I was...doing something…” 

Kei scoffs. “Yeah, probably your girlfriend while Hayashi-senpai rules the roost.” 

“Tsukki! Don’t pick fights with seniors!” Tadashi hisses. Kei just smirks when he sees Nanase’s furious look. 

“Why, you..!” 

Nanase lunges for Kei, but he easily ducks away and laughs. Tadashi makes a nervous noise, and grabs Kei’s hand, tugging him along. “Ts- Tsukki, don’t!.. S- Say sorry…”

“Why? It is the truth!” 

“You’re getting on my last nerve, Tsukishima!” 

“I think we'll be going, now. You'd better be on your way as well, senpai.” 

“Now who's trying to give orders here?!” 

Kei just laughs and pulls a nervous Tadashi along with him. 

“Ts-- Tsukki you really shouldn’t--” 

“Make fun of the captain. I know. Whatever.” 

“Ts-- Tsukki!.. Stop it! I’m being serious!” Tadashi’s voice lilts with anxiety as they step into the locker room to change. Setting his bag down on a bench and goes to his locker, pulling out his practice clothes. As he changes, he continues speaking, nervous. “Y- You can’t just disrespect our senpais like that...They-- They’re not going to be so kind, anymore...” 

“I don’t need them to be nice to me,” Kei says, shrugging off his own clothes. “It’s not like I care about what they think.” 

“I--” Tadashi is lost for words; Kei’s attitude’s changed, since he first started playing volleyball with him. “Tsukki…” 

“There’s no need to worry. If they’re mean to me, so what?” 

_ But they’re not being mean to  _ you _ , they’re… _

“A- Alright…” Tadashi finishes changing and slides on his shoes. Kei is taking his time, so he clears his throat when he’s done. “Uh-- I’m going to go ahead, ok?” 

“Whatever. Be out in a minute.”

Tadashi steps out of the locker room and into the gym. He’s immediately greeted with glares from his teammates, upperclassmen and classmates alike. Hayashi Kouji, third year vice captain of their middle school team, steps up, arms crossed. He looks down at Tadashi, and he’s painfully reminded of how much smaller he is than the others. “You’re late. Again.” 

“I- I’m s- s- sorry, Hayashi-s- senpai, I-- I h- had to help a t- teach-- teacher…” Tadashi bows low, not keeping eye contact with his senior. “I-- I’ll do b- better!..” 

Hayashi scoffs, “Don’t lie to me, Yamaguchi. You were with your little  _ boyfriend _ , Tsukishima. Now why don’t you make yourself useful and go fill the water bottles? You obviously don’t care about playing, so you won’t be participating in practice today.” 

Tears spring up in Tadashi’s eyes, and he fights them back as he bows again and scurries off to grab the water bottle caddys. 

“Oh, and Yamaguchi? Remember, don’t tell Tsukishima why you’re not practicing, or we’ll tell him that you’re gay and that you want to be his boyfriend.” 

Gay. There it is again; Tadashi’s heard the insult before, thrown by boys his age trying to rile each other up. At first, he didn’t know what i meant, and had embarrassingly brought it up to his mother. She’d given the explanation through giggles, however, and Tadashi doesn’t need to ask twice. Still, he’s confused. He doesn’t understand why liking boys is considered bad --  _ so what? _ \-- but the threat always seems to make Tadashi run just the slightest bit faster out of the gym.  _ Gay _ . 

It’s been like this since the first time Kei sassed their senpai, and Tadashi knows he’s only getting punished because they’re scared of punishing Kei, but he can’t bring himself to feel angry with the blond. He doesn’t know his words affect people. He’ll realize when he grows up. 

“Oi! And while you’re out, maybe you could find Nanase and see if he needs anything!” 

Yeah. Middle school is, in the words of Tsukishima Kei, hell.

When Kei enters the gym, finally, Tadashi is nowhere to be seen. This has him frowning, and he can’t even bring himself to hide it. It seems like Tadashi never practices, for someone who wanted Kei to come back and volleyball to play with him. He doesn’t ask, however, instead moving to do his stretches. 

Hayashi yells at him from the court, the middle blocker’s face looking...amused. He sighs; he doesn’t even want to try guessing right now. “Tsukishima, you’re late! Hurry up and stretch, we’re doing blocking practice in five!” 

“Yes, senpai.” He’s always likes Hayashi; he always has a smile on his face, and he’s always giving Kei encouraging pats on the back and giving compliments, even if Kei’s not all that nice to him. When he finishes his stretches, he jogs up to Hayashi’s side, and block practice begins. 

He doesn’t ask about his missing best friend once. 

The weeks develop a pattern, after that, and suddenly Kei hardly sees Tadashi at practice. Their only time to hang out is Sundays, now, and even then, Tadashi is off helping at the hospital daycare most of the day. It irritates Kei. It feels like Tadashi is ignoring him. 

“Alright! Everyone line up!” Nanase -- finally having shown up to practice for once -- claps his hands, and the team organizes themselves quickly. “Practice time! Hayashi, what’s on the agenda?” 

“Senpai-kouhai practice match,” The red-haired middle blocker replies, grin on his face. His eyes seem to fall to Tadashi next to Kei, who shakes in his own shoes. Kei’s noticed his change in behavior around their senpais, but he still has yet to know why; they’re all perfectly fine, if a bit annoying, not monsters. “I’ve already set the teams for today.” 

Hayashi calls names off -- the team has more than enough senior players for a team, and it’s obvious as to why he needs to assign them, but there are six first years, just enough for a team, which is why Kei calls out the names of the first years to be on team B. Until he hears the sixth member called. 

“...And Fujimoto-kun. Alright! Everyone warm up, we’ll start in five!” 

It hits Kei that Tadashi’s name hadn’t been called at the same time Tadashi excuses himself to go to the restroom. Kei goes to follow, but when he tries to, he’s stopped by a soft hand on his shoulder.

“Tsukishima-kun, we’re starting now. Go get into position.”

“Yeah, sure, but I have to--” 

“Yamaguchi-kun will be fine. If you’d like, I’ll have Ken-chan go check on him. He’s got an injured hand from punching his locker earlier today, so he can’t play.” 

Kei doesn’t like the idea of that sleaze talking to Tadashi, but he can’t just say ‘no’ to his vice captain without getting into some serious repercussions, and he wants to try to be nicer, for Tadashi’s sake. So he just sighs, and makes his way back to the side of the court with his classmates (and Fujimoto, a lousy second year that he honestly despises with all his heart). He watches as Hayashi sends Nanase off, and grimaces. The grin he shoots Kei is revolting. Kei wonders how much trouble he’d get in for storming off and punching him in the face. 

However, Hayashi calls the game to a start before Kei can think any more about it. 

In the locker room, Tadashi is huddled in on himself, trying to control his breathing. He’s long past crying over the things Hayashi does to him, and yet his chest always feels heavy even thinking about the elder, let alone being near him. It feels like the accident in elementary school, but this time the mantra in his head is  _ Hayashi-senpai will ruin your life Hayashi-senpai will ruin your life Hayashi-senpai will ruin your life _ over and over and over again. 

“Heya, Tadashi!” Tadashi yelps pathetically at the heavy hand on his shoulder, his breath hitching. Nanase chuckles as he slides down onto the floor next to Tadashi, taking a bandaged hand and ruffling Tadashi’s hair. “You’re cute, Tadashi-kun!” 

Tadashi doesn’t know how to reply, though he assumes a thank you is on order. If only his throat would quit closing up like it is now. When he tries, his words come out garbled and messy. Nanase laughs again, and Tadashi flushes. 

“You’re welcome. Now, why’re you feeling down?” Tadashi shakes his head quickly; he doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone with his stupid breathlessness. Maybe he has asthma. Nanase laughs again. Tadashi doesn’t know if he’s being genuine or if he’s messing with him. “I’m surprised your little friend, Tsukishima, isn’t in here. I thought you two were close?” 

This makes Tadashi’s stomach drop even more, and the tears finally well up. Of course Kei wouldn’t care. He’s just a useless, pathetic loser, meant to take the fall for him and be everyone’s lackey. He’s not important. 

“Ah, but that doesn’t matter. I’m here, aren’t I?” Nanase’s hand falls onto Tadashi’s knee, and he flinches. Nanase laughs (seriously, is Tadashi that humorous?). “What, did you think I was going to hit you?”

When Tadashi doesn’t reply, Nanase frowns. He’s always been more compassionate when Kei wasn’t around; always treating Tadashi to ice cream on the days Kei’s sick, or just offering a soft smile when he’s finally able to play with the team, even if he’s doing bad. 

“You thought I was going to hit you?” 

Nanase gets closer, so his and Tadashi’s thighs touch, and he uses the hand that was on his shoulder to turn his chin so they could look each other in the eye. 

“Tadashi.” 

“I--” Tadashi looks ashamedly down at the hand gently squeezing his knee. “P- People aren’t always ni- nice to m- me…” 

“Oh, well that just won’t do,” Nanase says, clucking his tongue. “I’ll protect you, ok, Tadashi? Who is it?” 

“N- No one.” Tadashi  _ can’t _ tell Nanase that it’s his team,  _ the one he’s running _ , doing the bullying. “J- Jus- Just some classmates...I- I’ll be fi- fine…” 

“And Tsukishima doesn’t protect you? Some friend he is.” 

“N- No, Tsukki is real great! H- He saved me, i- in elem- mentary school…” 

Nanase just smiles at Tadashi, shaking his head, and that’s when Tadashi realizes what position they’re in. With a flush, he pulls away, and stands. He also realizes he can breathe now. 

“W- We sh- should go back, now…” 

“Why? We’re not playing, are we?” Nanase stands up too, however, tall and towering over Tadashi. “Why don’t we go on a run, huh? Keep ourselves in shape.” 

“U- Uh…”

“Ha! You should see your face! I don’t want to run! Man, I really had you there.” Nanase laughs, hard, and falls onto the bench. He lays down, pats the place next to him. “Sit down. You distracted me, I didn’t get to hear why you’re sad.” 

“W- We really should go back to the gym--” 

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” Nanase uses his captain voice, the one that commands attention and obedience, and Tadashi flinches, deciding to just sit down and tell him some lame excuse. 

“I-- I j- just don’t know...if-- if I’ll be able t- to play?..Ever...I- I think I have asthma, because I- I g- get out of breath a- a l- lot...and m- my chest is… always h- heavy…”

It isn’t a lie; it isn’t the truth. It just so happens to be an inconvenience that he can use to his advantage. Because the captain can’t know about Haya-- 

“No. That’s not it.” 

“H- Huh? I- I don’t kn- know what you m- mea--” 

“It’s Hayashi-kun, isn’t it? I know, he’s real manipulative. What’s he threatening you with? He’s got me for having a gay best friend. He says that I should have left him, and found a new best friend. I don’t get it, though. I don’t understand why someone would be so hateful over something like someone being gay or not.” 

“H- He just...says some mean stuff about me not being good enough, is all. It really gets to me.” 

“Ah, I get it,” Nanase nods solemnly. “He’s always had a bit of a power complex, Kouji...Look, Tadashi, you can’t let that all get to you, ok? He’s just being a jerk.” 

Tadashi can’t help it, even as his mind screams for him to stop, “B- But he has the whole team rallied against me…” 

Nanase frowns. “Really? I thought everyone hated Tsukishima, I don’t get why they would hate y...oh. Oh, Yamaguchi, I’m so sorry.” 

Tadashi smiles softly. “It- It’s alright. I’ll be fine.” 

“No, I-- I should talk to Kouji--” 

“N- No!” Tadashi’s words come out rushed, panicked. “You can’t! If he knows I told anyone he’ll-- he’ll--” He starts to tear up again, and he curses himself for being so pathetic. “Please, don’t, Nanase-senpai.” 

Nanase doesn’t look all too happy. But, he relents. “...Fine. But only f you call me Kentaro, ok? And no honorifics.”

Tadashi smiles softly. “Y- Yes, of course, Nana-- Kentaro-s-- Kentaro.” 

Yep. Middle school is hell. And his vice captain seems to just want to make it a little hotter. 


	5. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lmao wh a t I think I rushed this

Tadashi’s second year isn’t much better than his first. Fujimoto takes over the team, and he’s no better than Nanase when it comes to showing up to practice. He’s not near half as nice, though. The new vice captain, Kato-kun, trained under the wing of Hayashi, is ten times worse than the elder. Tadashi hardly gets to step foot on the court anymore.

For Kei, however, it seems to be shaping up. He’s a starting player, now, with his height. And there’s no doubt he’ll be captain next year, if he’d just...take initiative. Tadashi knows he can.

“Oi, Yamaguchi, go fill the water bottles, won’t you? You’re not doing anything anyway.” 

“Y- Yes, of course, Kato-senpai!..” 

One of the upperclassmen trips Tadashi on his way out, and he stumbles into the doorway. He’s quick to straighten out, used to being tripped throughout the years. Of course, the door opens as he’s still leaning against it and he falls to the ground, water bottles clattering loudly outside. He squeaks out one of the swear words Kei’s more fond of as the door clicks shut. 

“Why, hello there,” The familiar voice of one Nanase Kentaro startles Tadashi, and he scrambles up, nervous. Nanase laughs. “You ok, Tadashi-kun?” 

Seeing Nanase is something he hadn’t expected.

After his ex senpai helps him pick up the scattered water bottles, they make their way to the water pump. It’s still warm enough outside that Tadashi can still feel his fingers when he runs the water bottles underneath them. Nanase makes conversation with him while he does so, handing him bottles to fill and filling the caddies with full ones. 

“So, how’re you doing this year? I remember you did well with spiking, when you first joined. I apologize I wasn’t there for you, last year; I was going through some stuff...” 

It’s become easy to lie these days. “I’m doing alright. I hurt my ankle over break, so I’ve been running errands while it heals…” 

“Oh! That sucks.” 

“Y- Yeah…” 

“Anything else new? Any girls you like? Maybe a girlfriend?..” 

Tadashi flushes pink. He’s never talked about liking anyone to anybody. Not even Kei. “I-- W- Well, there is this girl in class three I like...She’s really nice...Except, she’s in Tsukki’s class, and I think she likes him…”

Nanase nods, looking at Tadashi with a look that has him nervous. “That sucks, Tadashi-kun...But I suppose there’s nothing to do…” 

“Y- Yeah…” ...And then, suddenly, something hits Tadashi. “...Shouldn’t you be at practice, Nanase-senpai?” 

“Call me Kentaro, Tadashi! We’re friends, now!” Nanase -- no, Kentaro -- laughs, slinging an arm over Tadashi’s shoulders. Tadashi flushes. The water bottles are all full, now, and the pump is off. “And, uh...I, uh… Quit volleyball. It’s just...not for me.” 

“O- Oh…”

“It’s ok, thought! I have to study a lot more, in high school, and I wouldn’t be the best at listening to rules, where I go…” 

“Where do you go?..” 

“Karasuno.” The words have Tadashi flinching-- he unconsciously looks around, for Kei, but then he’s reminded; he’s gone. Kentaro laughs. “Yeah, I know, the coach there is really scary… You know anybody that went there?..” 

“Ts- Tsukki’s brother…” 

“Oh.”

“Y- Yeah, there was...i- it didn’t end well…for him...” 

“Oh. That sucks.” 

“Yeah…” 

“School is kinda boring, without volleyball, but I don’t think I’ll miss it. Would you?” 

“Absolutely.” Tadashi doesn’t mention the fact that he’s already missing it, has been for a year. “I love volleyball.” 

Kentaro smiles. “I’m glad. You’ll be good at it.” 

“Thank you, Kentaro.” 

Kentaro smiles at the use of his name.

“Of course, Tadashi. I believe in you.” 

Kentaro comes to visit after school more often. He never asks why Tadashi doesn’t seem to get to play as much as the others, and Tadashi is glad. Practice seems to be easier when he thinks about meeting with Kentaro afterwards; he insists he doesn’t visit the rest of the team, and that Kei doesn’t know about their meetings. He doesn’t get why, but he agrees nonetheless. 

Ever since the first time they saw each other, Tadashi’s been lighter. He can breathe easier. Suddenly the fear he feels near his teammates, it all goes away when Tadashi is near his old senpai. 

“So this guy, right, he’s in the middle of a fight with his classmate, and they end up knocking the vice principal’s wig off! It was insane! I really thought he was going to combust!” 

Tadashi laughs, covering his mouth, and Kentaro smiles at him from across the table; they’d gone out to a fast food chain after practice, Kentaro’s treat. 

“Oh no! I hope they didn’t get in trouble!”

“Just a little bit.” Kentaro smiles. 

“Oh no!” Tadashi is genuinely concerned for the boys’ wellbeing. He hates it when people get in trouble. Kentarou coos at this, squishing Tadashi’s cheeks with his palms. 

“You’re so innocent, Tadashi! So caring!”

“H- Hey! G- Get off, now, Ken-chan!..” Tadashi giggles, pushing at Kentaro’s hands with a flush on his cheeks. Kentarou just coos more at this, and jumps up, declaring he’s going to buy his kohai an ice cream. He really is weird. 

Kentaro buys him ice cream and walks him home, pecking him on the cheek as he departs. Tadashi can still feel the soft press of lips on his skin when he goes to bed. It doesn’t occur to him until he’s been laying in bed unable to sleep for hours that it occurs to Tadashi. 

He’d called Kentaro Ken-chan. 

“Tsukki, do you think it’s bad for boys to like boys?”

Kei nearly chokes on his lunch. He and Tadashi finally have the same lunch hour (even if they still don’t have the same class), and they meet every day; Tadashi usually brings up random topics for them to talk about, but this is definitely something new. Something...taboo. Kei looks around the classroom, and finds no one is looking at them. “I haven’t thought about it.”

His father’s words echo in his mind, from his last court-mandated visit with him. 

_ “You and that freckled boy, you’re still friends?” _

_ “Yes.”  _

_ “Still having sleepovers?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “And you two are sleeping in separate beds, now, right?”  _

_ “No?..Why would we.” _

_ “Because people are going to think you’re gay, son. You’re thirteen now, you should be sleeping in your own beds now.”  _

_ “Mom lets us, though…”  _

_ “Well, it’s wrong. Understand? Being with other med like with a woman is wrong.” _

_ “But I’ve never had sleepovers with girls before…”  _

_ A sigh. “You don’t understand, son. When you’re older, maybe…”  _

“...I-- I mean, I don’t think it’s all bad, but it’s not... _ right  _ either…” 

“O- Oh…” Tadashi looks distraught, that that was his answer. Kei’s brows furrow. 

“Why are you asking?” 

“N- No reason!”

Tadashi is quick to shove a whole mouthful of his lunch into his mouth and the conversation ends there. 

Tadashi disappears after practice  _ again _ , and Kei feels himself grow even more upset. This is the second week of him walking alone. Where was Tadashi going that was more important than walking home with Kei?

So Kei walks home. Alone.

A gust of wind all but knocks Kei off his feet, and his mind is just drifting off to the thought of Tadashi actually falling over with it when he hears it. 

“Kentaro! Don’t laugh!” The whine is accompanied by too-familiar laughter, and Kei stiffens. Across the park -- the same park Kei scared off Tadashi’s bullies on the first day of school -- Tadashi is being helped up by none other than Nanase Kentaro. 

“You’re really clumsy, Tadashi-kun!” Nanase laughs, still holding Tadashi’s hand. The two just stand there, holding hands, and Kei feels red-hot anger in his veins. 

“Th- The wind!..It knocked me down..!”

“Sure, Tadashi.”

“It did!..” 

“Mhm.” Nanase kisses the top of Tadashi’s head -- _ kisses it _ \-- and pulls Tadashi along, talking about his day as if nothing had happened. Kei can’t believe his eyes. Tadashi flushes completely pink, and Kei glares at the pair. 

“Pathetic…” 

  
  


 

“You didn’t tell me you’ve been hanging out with Nanase…” 

“You never asked.” 

They’re walking to school the next day. Tadashi’s unusually quiet. Kei can’t stand it. “You always disappear before I can ask where you’re going.” 

 

“S- Sorry…” 

“I don’t like him.” 

“I know.” 

Kei frowns. “Then why don’t you stop hanging out with him?” 

“W- Well, I... _ I _ like him. He’s nice to me.” 

“And I’m not?” 

“N- No! That’s not what I mean!..You’re perfectly nice to me, Tsukki!..K- Kentaro is just… A nice change…”

“Oh.”

“S- Sorry I didn’t tell you…” 

“It’s no problem.” 

Silence.

“Come over, saturday. Stay over, ok?”

“O- Oh. Ok!..” 

“Good.” Kei wants Tadashi to himself. He doesn’t want to have to share him with anybody, let alone  _ Nanase-- _ he’s never liked him. 

Tadashi disappears after practice again.

  
  
  


“I-- I never asked...Wh- Where does Hayashi-senpai go to school?..” 

“Hm? Karasuno as well, of course.”

Tadashi nods. 

“Don’t worry, Tadashi, I’ll protect you if you go to Karasuno! I know Hayashi isn’t the nicest, and you really got the brunt of it…” 

“Y- Yeah…” Tadashi looks down at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers. He doesn’t like talking about Hayashi, but he had to know. Kentaro clucks his tongue.

“Hey.”

“Huh--?” 

Kentaro bumps Tadashi’s chin up with his fist, and Tadashi loses his breath at the look in Kentaro’s eyes. “You’ll try to go to school with me, right? I don’t think I could last through high school without you…”

“I- I-- Of course!..” 

Kentaro smiles, kisses Tadashi on the forehead. “Good.” 

Welp. Tadashi definitely likes boys. Shit. 


	6. Fifteen

Captain. The term, it fills Kei with fear. Fear of the future, fear of disappointing. Of disappointing Tadashi . And yet Fujimoto-senpai appointed him the position, and Ikejiri Kuroyama as his vice. Kei is stuck in a position of power, and his best friend isn’t even at his side. He’s on the side of the court, cheering them on, and first years are playing instead.

Kei is enraged. But apparently, his position still isn’t enough to get his best friend to play. Coach sees his lack of activity in practice, and believes he doesn’t need to play when he doesn’t when it counts. He hates it. Even with three months left in the school year, Tadashi hasn’t played in a single game -- not even a practice match -- and Kei is beginning to get restless.

“Yamaguchi! Hustle, hustle! The first years are outrunning you! Go!”

“S- Sorry!..” Tadashi picks up his pace, and Kei frowns as he trips over his own feet and slides against the floor. Coach continues to yell at him, even when he sees the floor burn on his arms and legs, and the tears springing in his eyes.

The first years snicker, and this is the snapping point.

Tadashi, looking terrified, stands in place for a moment before rushing out of the gym. Coach calls after him, angrily, but he doesn’t stop. Kei just watches.

“Yamaguchi…”

Coach sighs, shaking his head, and looks over to Kei. “Tsukishima. Go. You’re the only one who knows the dumb kid.”

Kei nods dumbly, and makes his way towards the exit.

“Oi, and kid.”

“Yes, coach?”

“Tell him not to come back. We don’t need his uselessness on this team.”

Kei stops breathing at this. No Tadashi? But he’s-- he’s the only one that makes volleyball fun.

“...Yes, coach.”

But don’t expect me to come back either.

He finds Tadashi three blocks away, hiding in a back alleyway behind some store (his favorite spot to cry, but for what reason, Kei doesn’t know), sobbing into his scraped arms, and Kei hurts . Plopping down next to Tadashi, Kei stays silent a moment. He doesn’t know how to approach the subject, except head-on.

...So he doesn’t. Instead, he takes Tadashi’s hands, smiling at the surprised gasp Tadashi lets out as his head whips up. His breathing is uneven, his eyes glossed over, and Kei feels fear rise in himself. Tadashi is having a panic attack.

Since the first time it happened in primary school, Kei’s kept his eyes on Tadashi; he’d done some research on his own without anyone knowing, in the library at school, and read about anxiety disorders and the effects they have on one’s body. But he never looked up how to actually deal with it.

“Yamaguchi?”

“Ts- Tsukki.” Tadashi’s hands squeeze Kei’s own, and Kei squeezes them back lightly. “Tsukki, I- I’m pathetic, I kn- know, I’m s- sor--”

“Don’t apologize. Just breathe.”

Tadashi nods, and Kei shuffles closer to him to pull him into his lap. The two sit like that, Kei rubbing Tadashi’s back lightly, until Kei can no longer feel Tadashi shuddering in his arms. With a sigh, he opens his mouth and get it over with.

“...Don’t you like volleyball?”

Tadashi pulls away, eyes wide, and waving his arms. “O- Of course I-- I love volleyball, Ts- Tsukki! I do!..”

“Then what is it?” Kei can’t help but snap, and Tadashi flinches. He softens. “You’re playing weaker -- acting weaker -- than I know you are...It’s been like this for a while. What aren’t you telling me?”

Tadashi can’t look him in the eye. Kei wants to scream . Tadashi takes a deep breath. Just when Kei thinks he isn’t going to reply, his voice comes, shuddering and hushed. 

“...It all started with Hayashi-senpai.”

Kei blinks, frowns. “Huh?”

“Th- They were all lies, at first, but n- now, I...Don’t think they are...U- Uh...I’m-- ...They... threa-- threatened me-- said they’d t- tell you, a- and you’d leave me…” Tadashi’s face scrunches up like he’s going to cry again, his shoulders shuddering. “I-- I didn’t want you t- to le- leave me!..”

This has Kei reeling. Threatened? What? Leave him?..

“Y- Yamaguchi, wh--”

“N- No!” Tadashi yells clutching his shorts tightly, and Kei gasps, eyes widening. Tadashi never raises his voice. “No, I-- I need to tell you. It’s too late. I need you to listen to me.”

Kei swallows. “...Ok.”

“They…” Tadashi gulps. “They didn’t like your attitude, they didn’t like the way you treated them, b- but they-- couldn’t get to you…”

No .

“...So they used me. A- And then it continued on, into second year, an- and now...K- Kentao, he was the only one who was nice to me in the years.”

It’s all your fault.

“I- It’s my fault just as much as theirs, though!.. I- I let it happen. I avoided spending time with them by filling water bottles, doing their bidding...I was just trying to protect myself, and I’m sorry for being pathetic.”

It’s not your fault, Tadashi, stop that!.. You’re not pathetic!

Yamaguchi stands, sniffling. “I-- I should go. I’m sure coach won’t mind if I don’t come back…”

No, don’t go, no--

“Yamaguchi. Let’s quit.”

Tadashi stops in his attempt to leave, and scrunches up his face. “What?”

“Let’s quit. Quit volleyball.”

“Ts- Tsukki,” Tadashi looks terrified. “Tsukki, we… We like volleyball, though…”

“But you don’t play, and it’s no fun, when you don’t play.”

“Tsukki, n- no…” Tadashi’s backing away, now. “No. No, yo- you can’t--”

“Just for the year.”

“Y- You… You’d quit volleyball for me..?”

“Absolutely.” I’ve learned to really love spending time with you, and without you at volleyball we’ll never see each other. “Coach is kicking you out anyway, so--”

“H- He’s what?”

Kei gulps. “H- He...told me to tell you not to come back. A- At all…”

“O- Oh.”

Tadashi looks down at his feet. Kei stands, moves to embrace Tadashi, because he can see the tell-tale shake of shoulders means Tadashi is going to cry, but the shorter boy steps back. Before Kei can say anything, Tadashi is looking up at him with fire in the eyes.

“D- Don’t quit, then, Kei. Please don’t. For me. I-- I want one of us to be h- happy.”

Then he’s gone. He breaks off into a run, leaving a shocked Kei rooted in place. And when Kei finally comes to his senses and runs after him, he’s gone. Kei doesn’t think he has it in him to go after him; his mind is still stuck on the thought of Tadashi, crying, and obviously in pain running away from him . On Hayashi, who started all of this two years ago, who made Tadashi’s life a living hell. On the fact that he wasn’t there. But above all, his mind is on Tadashi, and how he called him Kei .

 

Pathetic .

Tadashi can’t breathe. Did he really just confess everything that happened to him? Did he really just tell Kei what he’d been trying to hide for three years? Oh god. He runs into something hard, and stumbles, his breath catching.

You’re so weak. Can’t even keep one secret. Just wait until he asks if you like boys. You know he will. And then you’re done.

“Tadashi?”

You have no other friends. Once he’s gone…

“Tadashi!”

You’ll be all alone.

“No I won’t!”

You will.

“Tadashi!”

Tadashi blinks through his tears, sees Kentaro’s blurry frame standing in front of him. Gasping, Tadashi flies back, tripping on his own feet and falling onto the ground. He cusses to himself, but he can’t find it in him to get up. He feels heavy.

“Tadashi, are you ok?” Kentaro kneels down beside Tadashi, resting a hand on his shoulder. Tadashi shakes his head.

“I-- I got kicked off the volleyball team b- because I’ve been acting pathetic. I-- I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Tadashi you’re perfect! You stop that. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Kentaro lifts Tadashi up and stands him on his feet despite his protests, and the sly smirk he gives Tadashi brings a small smile to the younger’s lips.

“K- Kentao, you know you don’t have to lie to me.” His smile slips, and looks down to his feet. “I’m used to it…”

“But you are ,” Kentaro grabs Tadashi’s hands, lifts his chin gently. Suddenly Tadashi is acutely aware of how close he is to his crush, and if he were brave enough, he could just...lean forward… “You’re perfect, to me. You’re beautiful. You’re strong. You’re brave. And I never want to hear anyone say you’re not. I especially don’t want to hear that from you. Ok?”

“O- Okay…”

Just a few centimeters…

Kentaro takes the leap for him. And while sure , he’s kissed Tadashi before, it’s always been soft, quick pecks to the cheek, the forehead. Not the lips . Not slow and sensual, like this. It’s tooth-rottingly sweet, and warm, and it calms Tadashi’s racing heart immediately, his only thought being Kentaro’s lips on his. No worry, no fear , only--

Only Kentaro.

Afternoons without volleyball are...They’re alright, with him. They meet near a corner store and walk home together, and Kentaro comes inside with him and they cuddle together until the day is almost over and the elder boy needs to go home and do homework. Sometimes their visits are cut short by Kei coming to study; Kentaro doesn’t like Kei much, no matter how much Tadashi tries to get them to get along.

Today is one of those days.

“Pardon the intrusion…”

“I- I should go…” Kentaro’s hand flies off of where it lay on Tadashi’s thigh, pulling away from kissing Tadashi, and he jumps up. Tadashi stands up too, biting his kiss-bruised lower lip. Tadashi was starting to get nervous of where Kentaro was taking that kiss, so he's relieved to say the least. “I had fun today, Tadashi.”

“I- I did too…” Kentaro grabs Tadashi’s hand. “I-- I really wish you would stay...Tsukki isn’t that bad…”

“Yamaguchi?..”

“Hi Tsukki!” Tadashi pulls on Kentaro’s hand and leads him towards the door. “Tsukki! Hey! Ready for the big bio test tomorrow?”

Kei’s eyes fall on Kentaro and their interlocked hands, and the blank look he wears on his face morphs into a frown. “Oh. You’re here.”

Kentaro smiles, and Tadashi frowns at how fake it looks. “Oh, I’m leaving, no worries.”

“Good.”

“Now now, you two!..”

“Sorry.” The reply comes from both boys.

Kentaro smiles, pecks Tadashi’s cheek and drops his hand to slide on his shoes. Kei sees this and furrows his brows in confusion.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Tadashi.”

Tadashi smiles. “Yeah.”

Kentaro stands, nods to Kei, and leaves. Tadashi is alone with Kei, and for the first time in a long time, it’s awkward. Tadashi can very clearly see the discomfort in the blond’s face, and the nervous shuffle of feet. He clears his throat.

“U- Uh, wh- what did you want to-- to look over?..”

“B- Bio. If you don’t mind. I-- I know you were having trouble with your geometry homework…”

“Yeah, uh-- we can do bio first, then geometry?..”

Kei nods, and they make their way to the living room. That’s that. Everything goes back to normal, and Tadashi wonders why he was so worried about Kei finding out that he likes boys.

...However, not all days are alright. Sometimes, hands wander, kisses turn into biting and sucking, Kentaro decides that ‘no’ isn’t something that Tadashi gets to say. 

Sometimes, in the empty house, in Tadashi’s bedroom, a movie playing forgotten on the tv, Kentaro touches Tadashi in a way he’s never been touched by someone else. Tadashi doesn't want to -- he's only in his last year of junior high school. Kentaro, however, has different plans. And he doesn't care what Tadashi's are. Eventually Tadashi stops finding comfort in his presence. Wven if he’s being rough, though, Kentaro is still still Kentaro; still focusing all of his attention on Tadashi. Breathing Tadashi, feeling Tadashi.

...And attention is all he ever wanted. 

 

Graduation comes all too early for the boys, but to Kei, he can’t seem to wrap his head around it. He played volleyball, just like Tadashi requested, but now he has to hand the team over, and he...He doesn’t know who he should be handing it to. He never really bonded with his kouhai, and now he’s seeing his fault. Tadashi was always better at things like this.

So the night before the hand-off ceremony, Tsukishima Kei makes his way to his best friends’ house, unaware of the fact that his best friend is in the middle of something.

“Yamaguchi?..” When Kei pokes his head inside the house, there’s no reply, and so he lets himself in. Tadashi’s shoes are in the doorway, along with a very familiar pair, and Kei grimaces. He still doesn’t trust Kentaro. On more than one occasion, Kei’s walked in on the two kissing, Kentaro pressing Tadashi up against the wall, hands roaming, and Tadashi looking very uncomfortable. Kei calls out once more, hopeful he doesn’t walk in on another scene like that. “Yamaguchi?..You here?”

Of course he’s here. It’s a stupid question.

After sliding his shoes off, Kei walks into the house. The living room is empty, the kitchen, and so Kei can only assume that they’re upstairs. So Kei makes his way up. However, when he reaches the top of the stairs, something stops him in place. A noise-- a high whimper. Tadashi’s whimper; a noise that, though Kei isn’t proud about the fact, he knows well. So many nights full of holding the younger, he’s all too familiar with the sound of his best friends’ sobs.

With a gulp, Kei goes up to Tadashi’s door. He’s about to knock, when he hears it:

“K- Kentaro, please not tonight--”

“Tadashi, you know my rule…”

“Y- Yes, of course, sorry…Quiet...”

With a growl, Kei pushes in. Who is Kentaro to order Tadashi around? And when he’s upset?

What he sees is not what he’s expecting.

“Ts- Tsukki?”

“Ugh. You.” Kentaro, hand holding his and Tadashi’s cocks together, glares at Kei. Tadashi is covering his face, mortified. “Get out.”

“No. I don’t think I will. Now, if you could...leave, that would be great.”

Kentaro groans, but relents, releasing his and Tadashi’s members, tucking himself uncomfortably in his shorts, and glares at Kei once more as he passes him. Tadashi’s tucked himself back into his own pants, curled up in his blankets, face crimson.

“So--” The front door slams shut. “Would you care to explain what I just walked in on?.. You sounded like you were in pain, when I heard you outside the door."

“It-- It’s nothing..! Just-- Couples do that, Tsukki…”

Kei frowns at Tadashi’s averted gaze. He’s hiding something.

Kei is trying to guess when Tadashi shifts his sweater sleeve and he sees it. “...Is that a bruise?”

Tadashi’s breath hiccups, and Kei knows he’s hit a nerve. “It’s nothing.

Before Tadashi can hide, however, Kei’s hands wrap gently around Tadashi’s and pull him closer.

“It is.” And it looks oddly like finger prints. “...Yamaguchi, who did this? Tell me it wasn’t Nanase.”

“I-- I just-- I-- Got it stuck in a...In the vacuum cleaner at the car wash!”

A pathetic lie. Kei gives him points for trying.

“You’re lying,” Kei says, “Tell the truth.”

“It’s nothing. Wh- Why are you here again?..”

“Unimportant.”

“S- Surely it’s not--”

“Yamaguchi. Tell me.” Kei can see anxiety and fear flow from Tadashi like a burst pipeline, and he would normally relent, but this is not a matter he can just shove off.

Tadashi straightens his shoulders, stares right into Kei’s eyes. Kei is woefully unprepared for what he says in response.

“No.”

No.

The word runs its way through Kei’s mind all night, and he doesn’t get much sleep. No. Why? Why can’t Tadashi tell Kei? He told him about their teammates when he finally found out-- and he found out about the bruises, so why won’t he tell him where they’re from?!

“Ito-kun.”

Kei picks the new captain at random. His mind is swirling so much, he can’t focus on who’s best suited to be captain. Their new captain is a shy, jumpy second year that Tadashi took under his wing in the beginning of the year. Ever since he left, he’s been more timid, afraid of his own abilities. Kei can see someone in him, and suddenly Kei can’t breathe. He walks up to their coach. 

“C- Coach, I’m not feeling all too good, and s- since the team is no longer mine, I was thinking…”

“Go home, Tsukishima. Thank you for all you did. See ya ‘round, kid.”

And before he knows it, Kei is gone. He doesn’t go to Tadashi’s. In fact, he doesn’t even go to his own house. No, he goes to the last place he thinks he would go.

Nanase Kentaro is -- surprisingly -- at his home when Kei knocks on the door (he’s thankful he even remembers the address, considering Kentaro’s captaincy was three years ago) to the high schooler's home. He has his shoes and jacket on, and Kei feels anger bubble in his chest.

“Going somewhere?” Kei asks, fake smile plastered on his face. Kentaro smiles back, just as fake, malice in his eyes.

“Yeah. I’m going to Tadashi’s.”

“Are you now?”

Kentaro glares at him. “Yes, I am.”

Kentaro moves to step out of the door, but Kei stops him, and for once, Kei is happy he’s so tall.

“Yesterday after I found you and my best friend in...a rather compromising position, I found a bruise on his wrist. Was that your fault?”

Kentaro scoffs. “Well, yeah, but I didn't mean to put them there! Hold him too tight. He's not getting abused, Tsukishima, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't imply as such. I just get caught up in the moment sometimes." 

"Like when he says 'no'?" 

"You watch it," Kentaro sneers, "He doesn't know what he wants yet. He enjoys it when we do stuff, it just takes him a while." 

“You’re insane.”

“Hah. Whatever you say. You just don’t understand that people have needs, you robot.”

Kei feels his stomach roil in anger.

“I hate you, you know that?”

“I kind of figured.”

“You ruined Yamaguchi. He was innocent before you came along, and now he-- he…” Likes boys, lets them touch him in wrong places. “He…”

“Gets pleasure? Enjoys himself with me? Oh come on, now, Tsukishima, there’s no need to be jealous. I mean, I won’t share him, but I’m sure you’ll find another toy to play with. If only you hadn’t left him alone~”

“Shut up.”

“I always liked him. He’s always been a cutie.”

“Shut up ."

“And he makes the cutest little noises, too, even if he’s a bit reluctant at first~”

“I said shut up!” Kei’s right hand curls into a fist, and before he knows it, his fist is colliding with pliant flesh. Kentaro stumbles back with a shout. “I don’t want you near Tadashi ever again. Ever. You hear?”

“You can’t keep me away.”

“I can. I will.”

Kentaro smirks. “Try me.”

“I will.”

And he does. Well, he tries. Kei spends more time with Tadashi now, but Kentaro still finds ways to visit Tadashi, and the brunet always comes back kwith more bruises on his wrists, hickeys on his neck, an Kei hates himself. He can't even protect his best friend. 

Two weeks later, Kentaro is still coming over to Tadashi's house. And a month into the endeavor, entrance exams come, effectively busying Tadashi for a while. Two weeks later, they receive their letters from four schools. They meet each other at Kei’s house one night, letters in hand, and open them together.

“Furukawa?”

“Accepted. You?”

“Same.”

“Iwagasoka?”

“Accepted.”

“Hm. Nope.”

“Nango?”

“No.”

“Me neither.”

“Hmmm. Karasuno?”

“Yes.”

“Me as well.”

The boys set their letters down, look at each other.

“So…”

“Wh-- Where do you want to go?..”

“Karasuno.” Tadashi’s answer is immediate. “You?”

Kei wants to answer one of the other schools -- any other school -- but the words slip out of his mouth before he knows it. “Karasuno, obviously, idiot; why would I leave you alone?”


	7. sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First year, through new eyes...
> 
> Also I had to fix the ages AGAIN FRICK

“You’re coming back to club, right?” 

“I-- I don’t know…”

Kei frowns. “You don’t know?..Yamaguchi, today’s the first day of school, and you don’t know if you’re joining club again.” 

“I-- I just--” Tadashi bites his lip, trailing off, and Kei sighs. His hand moves to pat Tadashi’s shoulder. “I...Don’t think I’m strong enough.”

Tadashi looks scared, and hurt, and Kei wants nothing more than to do something to make him happy. “Hey. There’s not going to be any Hayashi’s at Karasuno. Ok? You won’t get hurt.” 

“But--” 

“Yamaguchi Tadashi I will not let anyone hurt you ever again, do you understand? So you don’t have to worry about that shit. Ok?” 

“Ts- Tsukki…” 

“ _ Ok _ ?”

Tadashi’s face scrunches up, and Kei can see his resolve cracking. 

“You just need to promise to tell me when things are going bad.” 

“...Ok. Fine. I’ll join club again.” 

“Alright.” Kei smiles. “Great.” 

They arrive at the school grounds, and Kei eyes around the campus to look for somewhere to sit during lunch. Black uniforms and white dress shirts mill around the grounds, and Kei can’t believe he’s finally here.  _ Karasuno _ . He originally hadn’t wanted to go to Karasuno-- in fact, he had originally despised the idea, but over summer break, he’d talked things over with Akiteru-- over everything. Tadashi, Kentaro, their relationship, Akiteru’s lies. And now…

There’s no place he’d rather be. 

“Tsukki?..You ok?” 

“Yeah. Sorry.” Kei snaps out of his reverie, and smiles at Tadashi; Tadashi looks surprised for a moment, blinks, and smiles back. Kei points to a tree at the side of the school building. “Sit there for lunch?” 

Tadashi nods. “Sounds great!” 

They’re in the same class again this year. Kei is thankful-- he doesn’t think he could stand it if he had to eat lunch on his own again. 

“Tadashi! H- Hey, Tadashi! You actually came to Karasuno after all!” 

Eyes widen, shoulders stiffen. 

“Nanase.” 

“K- Kentaro?” Tadashi’s head whirls around, and Kei growls. “I haven’t seen you in forever, I-- I thought you grew tired of me--” 

“Let’s go.” 

“Tsukki? B- But I--”

“Let’s go--” 

It’s too late, though. Kentaro is already there, sliding around Tadashi’s shoulder, and Kei can see a malicious glint in his eyes. “Tadashi!” 

“Kentaro! I-- I haven’t seen you in--” 

“A couple months.”

“Y- Yeah…” 

“I missed you! I’m all pent up, without you around to calm me down~” 

The implication makes Kei sick. He glares at Kentaro. “Shouldn’t we be getting to class, Yamaguchi? Don’t want to be late to our first day.” 

“Oh, no worries, you guys are on the first floor! And I’m pretty known around the teachers, I’m sure if I just explain why--” 

“Is that what you want to be known for, though?” 

Tadashi, whose head has been whipping between the two, bites his lip, distraught. “I-- Tsukki’s right, Kentaro…Sorry…” 

“It’s fine,” Kentaro says through grit teeth, “I-- I’ll see you later.” 

“Yeah.” Kei grabs Tadashi by the hand and drags him off before any more conversation can start. 

“Ts- Tsukki!..A-- Are you ok?! Y- You were fine, before K- Ken--” 

“Yamaguchi, he abused you. Of course I’m not fine around him.”

Tadashi’s brow quirks, brows furrow. He frowns.  _ Abusing _ him?.. Tadashi doesn’t understand. No, abuse is  _ hitting _ someone. He should know-- his father abused his mother for  _ years _ . Kentaro didn’t -- Kentaro didn’t  _ hurt _ him. Didn’t punch him, kick him,  _ beat him _ . Sure, Kentaro’s touches would bruise, but he didn’t do it on  _ purpose _ . Kentaro would  _ never _ hurt him on purpose. 

Before Tadashi can, speak up in Kentaro’s defense, the bell rings, and they’re really going to be late if they don’t hurry. 

  
  
  
  
  


“You’re both middle blockers?” 

“Yes.” 

“Y-- Yes sir!..” Sawamura Daichi, captain of Karasuno’s men's’ volleyball club, chuckles and smiles down at Tadashi. 

“No need to call me ‘sir’ Yamaguchi-kun, I’m your senpai, not your grandpa.”

“S- Sorry!..” 

Sawamura laughs heartily at this, unaware of the glare he’s receiving from Kei. “I’m glad to know you two aren’t as troublesome as the other two first years. There was a bit of an incident, earlier...In fact, you just missed them: they showed up for morning practice.” 

“Morning practice on the first day of school?” Kei can’t help but scoff. That’s a level of dedication he’ll never commit to. Sawamura’s eyes settle on him, and harden. 

“We’re aiming towards nationals, so we have practice every school day before and after school.” 

“And over summer break!” A blonde pops up beside Sawamura, and Tadashi flinches. “I’m Sugawara Koushi, I’ll be your vice captain this year!” 

“Nice to meet you.” Kei says for the both of them. Tadashi stares at the blond with wide eyes, awestruck. Kei wishes he could tell what he’s thinking. “Tsukishima Kei.” 

“Y- Yamaguchi Tadashi!..”

“Nice to meet you both.” Sugawara smiles and walks off to help one of the other team members stretch. 

“...Anyway, we’re glad that you guys are joining. First years aren’t technically allowed to start club activities until next week, so we’ll let you go. However, there is one thing I should mention…” 

Kei’e eyes narrow. “...What?” 

“Oh, don’t worry! It’s nothing bad, we’re not going to haze you or anything, but uh…” Daichi scratches the back of his neck nervously. “So, the other first years that we mentioned earlier, they’re...really insistent that they play. So, we’re going to have a practice match between you two, me, and those two and one of our own. Does that sound ok?..” 

“O- Of course!” 

“Whatever.” 

Daichi’s hands clap together, and he smiles. “Great! We’ll see you two next week.” 

“Yeah.” 

“O- Ok!..” 

Kei and Tadashi move to leave, when Tadashi stops. “U- Uh, hold on...There’s no one named H- Hayashi on the team, right?..” 

“...No?..Who’s that, an old friend?” 

Kei scoffs. “Far from it.” 

“Wh- Wha--” 

“Come on, Yamaguchi.” 

Kei walks off, and Tadashi follows suit, stumbling over his own feet. In the calm of the afternoon, they make their way home, Tadashi chattering lightly. 

“We’re going to have fun this year, aren’t we? Huh?” 

“Yeah.” 

“--And they’re working for nationals!” Tadashi’s eyes are full of wonder, and he’s smiling so wide that Kei can’t help but smile to himself as well. “It’s crazy. Back in junior high, no one but coach wanted to get to nationals…” 

“I know, it’s…” 

“Amazing!” Tadashi’s cheeks pinken, and he shifts his grip on his bag. “I-- I’m glad we’re playing volleyball together.” 

“...Me too.” 

“I...I know I won’t be able to play, at least not this year, but-- you’ll wait for me, Tsukki, won’t you?” 

Kei’s smile broadens at this. “Of course I will; why wouldn’t I, idiot?”    
  
  


 

 

Sugawara scares Tadashi. It’s something in his smile, in his eyes, in the way he’s as sweet as peaches and pie until he’s crossed, and then he reminds you of the devil himself. He reminds Tadashi so much of Hayashi when he first joined his middle school team that sometimes, if he looks at Sugawara from the corner of his eyes, he sees  _ Hayashi _ , and he can’t  _ breathe _ . 

He’s trying not to be too quick to judge, though.

“What’cha thinkin’ about, Yamaguchi?”  _ Speak of the devil.  _ “Not getting tired, yet, I hope!” 

“N- No, Sugawara-senpai, just getting some water; I had asthma when I was younger…” Tadashi shifts uncomfortably under the weight of Sugawara’s arm around his shoulder, but the smiling blond doesn’t seem to pay much mind. He can feel Kei’s watchful eyes on them, and knows he’ll be getting a talking-to later. 

“Ok! You take your time, Yamaguchi, and if you need a break, just take one, ok?” 

“O- Of course. Thank you, senpai.” 

Almost as suddenly as he came, Sugawara leaves, and Tadashi lets out an audible sigh. He wonders if his heart is going to last the entire year. Maybe volleyball isn’t for him, after all, if he has to put up with the reign of evil vice-captains...Sawamura seems like a reliable captain, though...Maybe things will be alright. 

Practice ends quickly after, and before Tadashi knows it, he’s walking behind his teammates as they all head to a corner store nearby for treats from the captain. Kei walks silently behind him, and they watch the others with matching inquisitive eyes, trying to figure out what this year has in store for them. 

“...No one’s picking on you again, right?” Kei asks. 

“N- No.” Tadashi says in reply, biting his lip. “Not--” 

_ Not yet.  _

“They won’t. Just tell me if they do, ok?” 

“Ok.” 

“Oi! Bakageyama! I left my bag in the club room, go back with me!” 

“What? No way!” 

“Come onnnnn!” 

“No!” 

“Kageyama!..” 

“Shut up, idiot!” 

They both sigh at the idiot duo. They have to deal with those two for three years…

  
  
  
  
  


“Oh, Yamaguchi-kun, hi!” 

“Hi!” 

“Hello!..” Tadashi’s hand raises, and he goes to ask why they didn’t greet Tsukishima when he realizes. He’s alone. This is where it all goes down. All of the niceties are going to be gone, Tadashi will be alone  _ again- _ -

Tadashi turns right around and runs out of the gym, vomiting in a nearby bush. A sob wracks his body, and he collapses on himself. He can’t go back to junior high school. He  _ can’t _ . Almost immediately, hands are on his shoulders, soft voice hushing him. 

“Shh, Yamaguchi-kun, are you ok?..” 

“S- Suga-senpai,” Tadashi gasps, “Suga-senpai, p- please don’t tell-- tell Tsukki…” 

“Tell Tsukishima--?” 

“Yamaguchi what happened?..” 

_ Shit. Shit shit shit-- _

“N-- Nothing!..” Tadashi can’t  _ breathe _ .  _ Fuck _ . He fucked up. “Nothing-- I’m f- feeling pretty sick, s- sorry, Tsukki, I’m going to g- go home--” 

Tadashi stumbles off before either of the other two can protest, and leaves a confused Kei and Sugawara standing on the sidewalk watching after him.

“...Tsukishima-kun, what was that?” 

“I...Don’t know.” Kei blinks, and for a second he forgets where he is and lets himself frown. “...What happened before I got here and saw him puking out his guts?” 

“I-- He walked in!” Kei can clearly see Sugawara is stressing over this, and he wants to help, really, but it isn’t much help. “H- He’s been so jumpy around everyone but you, Tsukishima-kun, and we need everyone to get along, I don’t know what to do if…” 

“Ah.” Kei suddenly comes to a realization. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Before Sugawara can protest, Kei is gone, jogging lightly to catch up to his best friend. It’s not hard, and in a few quick strides, he’s caught up, grabbing the other’s shoulder. “Oi. You flipped back there. What’s up?” 

“I- It’s nothing. I-- I just, th- they were going to threaten me, so I h- had to leave. It’s fine. I’m thinking volleyball isn’t for me, anyway.” 

Kei rolls his eyes at this. “You’re an idiot.” 

Tadashi frowns. “Huh?” 

“Come here.” Kei grabs Tadashi by the wrist and drags the other boy back to Sugawara. “Suga-san, I believe there’s been a misunderstanding. I apologize. You see, Yamaguchi had a bad experience with our old senpai and now he thinks everyone is like him. You especially seem to trigger him, because of your can-do personality. It’s nothing personal. He just needs confirmation that you aren’t going to harm or extort him in any way.”

Sugawara blinks, shocked; the most he’s ever heard Kei say is about Tadashi. 

“So?..” 

Kei’s voice shocks him back to reality, and he nods, quickly. “Of course! I would never hurt Yamaguchi-kun! I-- I know we just met, but I th- I think we can be really close friends!..If he’ll allow it…” 

Kei looks to Tadashi, single eyebrow raising as if to ask Tadashi “are you satisfied?” 

“I-- I’d like that a lot, Sugawara-senpai.” Tadashi bows, smiling nervously. “Now, I need to go brush my teeth before practice...I’ll see you all in the gym.” 

“I’ll go with him; seeing him run out of the gym and vomit has distracted me from the fact that I haven’t changed yet…” 

“Ok! You two go, I’ll tell Daichi Yamaguchi-kun had heartburn and had to go get medicine and you took him with.” Sugawara smiles, happy with his quickly conceived lie. Tadashi smiles brightly back at him, and thanks him with a bow, pushing Kei off in the direction of the club room, leaving Sugawara to watch after them. 

They might be an even odder duo than Hinata and Kageyama, and the first week isn’t even over.    
  
  
  
  


 

_ Amazing _ . Tadashi watches with wide eyes as the ball soars towards him from the other side of the court, and -- in the blink of an eye -- switches course and falls to the ground beside him. He can’t even bother to be upset he failed to receive yet another ball, not when he’s still marvelling over that  _ serve _ . 

Tadashi watches the owner of said serve -- an alumni of Karasuno and owner of a local shop, Shimada something, if he heard right -- in awe. He’s not small, but he’s definitely not built like the rest of the alumni team; he’s lean, and lanky, not built and thick. He wears glasses, and shies away when his teammates offer their praise. Tadashi immediately likes him. He’s a good person.

“Good job, Mako!” One of the other alumni members yells, and the name rings a bell. Ah-- Shimada  _ Makoto _ . The nice man that always helps his mother reach things from high on shelves when they go to the grocery store. His mother is always saying stuff like “oh Mako-chan, so strong,” or “thank you so much, Mako-kun, I’d ought to make you cookies for being so sweet!” It’s kind of funny. 

Shimada Makoto lines up for another serve that has Tadashi’s team reeling, and Tadashi feels his adrenaline kick in. He’s going to learn how to serve like that. 

  
  
  
  
  


Learning, however, is  _ hard _ . Tadashi spends countless nights practicing in the back alleyway behind his new mentor’s --  Shimada’s  -- store,  _ full weekends _ , but he can’t land a  _ single _ serve. He feels pathetic-- and there’s no one he can share the feeling with. Kei is a natural at everything he does. Everyone on the team is a natural. Even  _ Hinata _ is good at everything he does, even if it takes a while. 

“Yamaguchi-kun, are you ok?” Shimada’s voice snaps Tadashi out of his thoughts. 

“Huh? Yeah! Yeah, of course!” Tadashi smiles at Shimada, bounces the ball in his hands. He lines up to serve again. “I’m just a bit distracted...I have a paper due soon…”

“Maybe you should take a break?” The ball flies across the alleyway, but falls flat onto the pavement in the opposite direction that he was aiming. Tadashi growls, and Shimada chuckles. “I’ll take that as a no. I have to go inside and lock up-- I’ll be back, ok?” 

Tadashi is already busy grabbing the ball and lining up again. “Ok. Thank you again, really, for helping me…” 

“No problem~ Be back in a minute.” 

“Right!” 

Tadashi continues on practicing. 

  
  
  


 

Loud. Everything is so  _ loud _ . And bright--  _ god _ , is it bright. The movement on the court in front of Tadashi blurs his vision. It’s as if all of his senses disappeared in the matter of seconds. Limbs numb and heavy, vision and hearing virtually useless. He knows he’s sweating, so  _ why is he so cold _ ? He gulps. 

The whistle blows, and Tadashi serves. It’s successfully spiked down by Karasuno after a far-too-long rally, and Tadashi is up again. By now, he can’t breathe. The whistle blows. Tadashi serves. 

His time on the court is over as quickly as it started. 

  
  
  


 

Training camp. The word immediately sparks panic in Kei’s chest, though he’d never admit it. He’s never slept anywhere but his own home or Tadashi’s, with the exception of golden week, but that was with his  _ team _ . Now he’ll be away from home -- in Tokyo, of all places -- with not only his team, but ten other schools, and there won’t be a single place to hide. Thank god this training camp is only a weekend. He wouldn’t be able to last a whole week. 

“Aren’t you excited, Tsukki?” 

...And he’s not only worried for himself. 

“...Tsukki?” 

“Yeah. I’ll hardly be able to sleep tonight.”

What if the other teams pick on Tadashi? What if they see he’s weaker and decide to hurt him? And Kei won’t be able to do anything. The thought makes Kei sick. 

Tadashi smiles at him softly. “We’re going to have a lot of fun! We’ll meet so many people!” 

  
  
  
  
  


“Tsukki! Block for us!” 

“Yeah, yeah, come block!” 

“No.” It’s become normal at training camp to banter with one Kuroo Tetsurou and make fun of Bokuto Kotaro with Kuro, but he still can’t bring himself to practice with them. He knows any extra practice he gets in will all be for nothing (it was for Akiteru), so he avoids it. That even means leaving the duo in the dust, and running away to hide in whatever classroom Karasuno finds themselves in.

“Awww, come on!”    


“Lameee!” 

Kei rolls his eyes; they’ll get over it. 

Of course, it’s a nightly routine. 

“Tsukki!” 

“Don’t call me that.” 

“Block for us?” 

“No.” 

“Aww, come on,  _ Tsu-kki _ ~” 

“I told you not to call me that.” 

“Please?” 

“No!” 

He tries to avoid the idiots as often as he can. He’s usually never lucky, considering his height doesn’t really allow him to hide when he spots them too late. He’s just dodged yet another inquiry from Bokuto when he hears it.

“ _ Tsukki _ !..” 

...It’s not Bokuto. 

  
  
  
  
  


“ _ Motivation _ ? What more do you need than  _ pride _ ?!” Breathing heavy, grip tight on Kei’s shirt, Tadashi comes down from his adrenaline high. He’s said what he wanted to say. He’s just realizing what he’d all said when Kei chuckles, low, and Tadashi squeaks, releasing Kei’s collar and backing up. 

“I-- I m- mean--” I should not have said that. I should not have said that. I should not have--

“Who knew…” 

“Ts- Tsukki?..” 

“When did you get so cool?”

  
  
  
  
  


Her name is Yachi Hitoka. She’s shorter than even Noya-san, and blonde, and  _ cute _ . Tadashi thinks he might be in love with the replacement manager Kiyoko-san’s found. He knows he isn’t  _ in love _ in love, but the thought sticks in his head anyway. Yachi is just so cute. She has that effect on everyone, it seems, if the distractedness from even their third year senpais is anything to go by. 

Yachi hasn’t officially their manager, yet, but Tadashi can very clearly see her warming up to the others. He himself always stutters and blushes when he tries to talk to her, and he wonders belatedly if he’s acting like Tanaka and Noya-san. 

...Nah. 

“Yachi-san is pretty cute, don’t you think?” Tadashi asks Kei one day on the way home, trying to maybe pry something out of the taller blond. Kei himself hasn’t shown any difference in his playing or personality since Yachi showed up at all.

Kei hums. “...She is. Like a little puppy.” 

“Yeah!” Tadashi smiles at Kei’s words. She really is; skittish and eager. “...I think I like her.” 

“Anyone would; we’re lucky to be considered her friends.” 

“N- No! Like,  _ like _ like.” Tadashi’s cheeks flush; of course Kei is oblivious to romance; he always has been. Kei blinks. 

“Oh. I thought you liked boys, though..?”

“I-- I do!” He does. He can’t help but oogle at Tanaka-san’s abs, when he whips his shirt off, he feels nervous around Ennoshita-san’s tired-set eyes that seem to look into his soul, his heart flutters when he sees Sugawara-san run a hand through his platinum blond hair. But, he also feels butterflies in his stomach when his fingers brush Kiyoko-san’s when she passes him a water bottle, he can hardly speak around Yachi, and disappointment sinks in his gut when he finds that the girls that approach him are all there for information on Kei. “I...Like both?” 

“I didn’t know you could,” Kei ponders, frowning in concentration. “...But, ok. You like both.” 

“Yeah.” Tadashi says. “Yeah.” 

“So...Are you going to confess?” Kei’s voice is sly, teasing, and Tadashi  _ knows _ he’s pink from his ears to his shoulders. 

“ _ Tsukki _ !”

Tadashi doesn’t, of course. He’s too shy. He does, however, gain the confidence to befriend the girl, and quickly finds it wouldn’t work anyway; Yachi Hitoka is very, very gay. 

Needless to say, the crush fades quickly. 

 

  
  
  
Seijioh. Again. 

Tadashi takes a deep breath. Lines up to serve. The whistle blows, and Tadashi flinches in his tossup. He curses. It barely makes it over the net, and the rally seems to take forever. Eventually, however, it’s slammed down on the other side of the court, with opposition. Too much opposition. It almost didn’t go through. A few of his serves have already made it through. 

When the ball finds its way back to him, Tadashi makes a quick decision. To be  _ safe _ . He lines up. He serves.

...His time is up again soon enough.

  
  
  
  
  


“I’m going to go get a sports drink from the vending machines. Want one?” 

“Sure! Do you want me to--” 

“I’ll go on my own. You change.” 

“Ok! See you there, Tsukki!” Tadashi waves as his friend walks off in the opposite direction, and starts up the steps to the club room. His and Kei’s class had gotten out early because their teacher had an emergency, and though he’s worried for her, he can’t help but be glad. He and Kei are always late to practice because of Kei’s slow pace at doing most  _ everything _ . 

With a sigh and the shake of his head, Tadashi opens the door to the club room and immediately his jaw drops. In front of him are Sugawara and Hinata, both wearing...sports bras?..Sugawara is sliding another on when Hinata screams.

“Y- Yamaguchi-kun! H- Hi!..” Sugawara’s eyes are just as wide as both other boys in the room, and Tadashi slowly closes his jaw, and steps inside so the entire campus doesn’t see them changing. He can clearly see discomfort in the two’s eyes, and he covers his eyes to give them privacy. He hears the shuffling of Sugawara and Hinata pulling on shirts. Sugawara’s hands find his and pulls them away from his face. “Uh...I-- I can explain.” 

So he does. He explains to Tadashi that he and Hinata are transgender and grew up as boys but with girl parts -- well, that’s what Tadashi gets from the conversation; Suga was stuttering a lot. He explains that some people don’t like people like them, and that’s why they’re so nervous, but Tadashi reassures them they don’t have to be. Besides, he doesn’t have time to think about things like that. 

They  _ are _ playing Shiratorizawa in a week, after all. 

 

 

  
  
The lights are bright. Too bright. The gym is loud. Too loud. Kei knows immediately that Tadashi is going to be on-edge the entire time; in their first match against seijoh, he was the same, but this is ten times worse. Kei’s even a bit overwhelmed, but more than anything, it gives him a headache and a useless reason to worry. Tadashi will be just fine. 

...Of course, after everyone calms down. 

  
  
  
  
  


They won.  _ They won _ . Holy shit. 

  
  
  
  


“...T- Training camp, huh.” 

“Yeah.”

“I-- I’m h- happy for you!”

“...Yeah.” 

“You’re not happy?” Kei can see Tadashi frowning out of the corner of his eye, and bites his lip. 

“I-- I  _ am _ , but…” Kei can’t help it. His mind keeps thinking back to Tadashi, and leaving him alone; in the seven years they’d known each other, Kei hasn’t left Tadashi alone for more than a few days; a week -- a whole seven days -- is completely different. Especially with Kentaro and Hayashi lurking around, probably looking for an opportunity to get Tadashi alone… “...I don’t like the idea of...being gone so long…” 

“Hm? Why’s that?” 

“I...don’t want people picking on you.” 

“Oh.” Tadashi’s reply is short, and that’s the end of that. 

Training camp. Nationals a immediately after that. Life is crazy. 

  
  
  
  
  


The national stage. Tadashi can’t believe it. Everything is so bright, and loud, but it’s not overwhelming anymore-- no, it’s invigorating. Tadashi craves to be on the court, playing on this level, and swears to himself that he will make it to nationals as a starting player one day. 


	8. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter-- I wanted to get it out as soon as I could! I've been gone so long! Sorry-- school and stuff and...yeah. Fun fact: This chapter originally involved Kentaro and Hayashi coming back in two different versions. One in which Ken and Shi-chan break into Tadashi's house and Ken apologizes, and another in which Kentaro never left, but Tadashi just didn't tell Kei (which, btw, is TRUE, he's still around and Tadashi doesn't tell him) and then lets it slip to Kei and they fight and. Yeah. Instead, have an existential crisis.

 

It’s an understatement to say Tadashi is relieved when Hayashi graduates. 

It’s also an understatement to say  _ Kei _ is relieved when  _ Kentaro _ graduates. 

For Tadashi it means freedom; he doesn’t need to be afraid anymore. His old tormentor is gone, there’s no sight of him out of the corner of his eye as he walks in the halls, no rough shoves when he gets close, no threat that Hayashi will hurt him or torment him with his words. 

For Kei it means no more chasing away Kentaro. No more glares, no more harsh words, no more tip-toeing around Tadashi (who, by the way, still thinks his first boyfriend was nothing but kind to him). No more fearfully pulling Tadashi away when Kentarou  _ did _ manage to find the younger in the courtyard or on their way to practice. It means Tadashi is safe from him. 

However, with Hayashi and Kentaro gone, that also means their third year teammates are also gone. Not that Kei minds; in fact, he isn’t too sad to see Sugawara leave. He always made Tadashi nervous, no matter how nice he really was. 

“I love the fall,” Tadashi sighs, eyes falling shut as they walk to Kei’s house. Leaves fall around them, and it’s just cool enough to wear sweaters to and from school. “Everything is so pretty…” 

Kei looks over to Tadashi and smiles, rolling his eyes. “Everything is dying, Yamaguchi.” 

Tadashi’s eyes open, and he looks at Kei. Suddenly Kei can’t breathe. “Fall means new beginnings, Tsukki.” 

Kei blinks, and nods, but for some reason he can’t focus. “Right…” 

“Everyone deserves new beginnings.” 

“Yeah.”

“Ah, a dog!” 

Tadashi runs ahead, leaving Kei following behind him with a whirling mind. 

It occurs to him that this has been happening for a while; he can’t exactly pinpoint a time. Sometime between junior high and nationals, he thinks. 

When they reach Kei’s house, they fall into routine quite easily. They slide off their shoes and make their way to Kei’s room, plop down in their respective places -- Kei at his desk, Tadashi on Kei’s bed -- and get to work. It’s a saturday afternoon, and they don’t technically have to do their weekend homework yet, and yet they always do. Because the sooner they get their work done, the sooner they can relax. 

Tadashi removes his hearing aids, and pulls a case from his bag, placing them inside it gently. 

“That’s new.” Kei says, and Tadashi looks up, brows furrowed. Kei shakes his head, and signs his words. Tadashi smiles, and signs back.

“Mom bought it. She knows I take them off when I’m here. Doesn’t like that I just leave them laying around.”  

Kei nods, opening his book, and they get to work. Just like every day. However, sometime down the line, Kei turns around -- pencil poised to toss to get his attention -- to ask Tadashi a question about the homework and stops in his tracks. Tadashi is facing the other way, laying on Kei’s bed, feet in the air and kicking at nothing. He has a pencil between his teeth, chewing at it, and he stares down at one of the many books strewn out above him. It’s a sight Kei sees most every day and for some reason, lately, it’s taking his breath away. 

He stares openly at his best friend for a few moments, before shaking his head and turning back to his work, but once again he can’t seem to focus, his mind full of  _ Tadashi _ , only Tadashi, and he fights the urge to groan. 

_ Why is all of this coming onto him so suddenly? Is it a cold? He does feel a bit feverish, his cheeks are hot. Damn it, he can’t get sick, they have a tournament coming up already in a month. He needs to be on top of his game.  _

His homework goes neglected until Tadashi leaves at seven to make dinner for his mother. They sign their farewells, and as soon as Kei is alone, he collapses onto his bed and groans. He ignores the fact that the bed still smells like Tadashi in favor of running his hands over his face, scrubbing, to try and clear his head. 

Once again, it’s null.

A while later, after about a half an hour of laying down and contemplating his life, he hears the front door open. 

“Kei! I’m home!” Kei sits up at the sound of his brother’s voice on the other side of his door and frowns. Akiteru is home for break already? “Aren’t you going to open the door for your favorite brother?”

“You’re my  _ only _ brother,” Kei replies, still sitting on his bed and making no move to get up. He lays back down. “The door is open,” He says nonetheless. 

Akiteru’s laugh switches from muffled to clear as the door swings open and he steps into Kei’s room. “That same old humor, Kei! You’re just like how I left you!” 

“You left two months ago. You video chat mum every day, and continuously snapchat me.” Kei deadpans. Akiteru smiles weakly. 

“Right.”

“How’s uni?” 

“Fine. How’s school? You’re finally an upperclassman again!”

“The same as last always,” Kei says, smiling softly himself now. “Except now I have to be a ‘good influence’ for the first years, and Ennoshita-san is really keeping up with us all. I hardly get away with anything anymore at practice. I swear, he watches us all like a  _ hawk _ .” 

“Well, at least someone’s keeping you in line instead of encouraging you.” Akiteru says. A second later, his eyes blow wide, as if he’s said something wrong, and he starts frantically waving his hands. “N- Not that I don’t like Yamaguchi-kun! I-- I love him! H- He’s a good boyfriend to you! B- But--” 

“I’m confused, Akiteru…” 

“R-- Right…” Akiteru sighs, shaking his head. “Right. Uh-- It’s nothing. Just...Yamaguchi-kun sometimes...encourages your bad behavior? He doesn’t really tell you you’re being wrong…” 

This, obviously, is untrue, but Kei lets Akiteru think what he wants. 

“Right.”

“...So! Volleyball! You have a tournament coming up soon, right?” 

Kei’s head hurts-- And, for once, it’s not because of the physics homework that sits in front of him, untouched. No, the cause of his headache seems to not even know it; sitting three seats ahead and two to the left, doodling in his notebook because it’s their free work period and he’s always been better at math and science than Kei. With his tongue sticking out in concentration, as if his drawings -- which look like a two year old drew them, maybe younger -- were that of a famous artists. The entire thing is far too  _ cute _ , and Kei can’t seem to take his eyes away, which is confusing to Kei. He shouldn’t be calling his best friend, a boy, cute. He’s not gay. But the feeling in Kei’s chest, the warmth and happiness, he knows it’s not platonic. 

Kei groans, and he’s hushed by his classmates. Helpful lot, they are. Can’t they see Kei is going through some serious mental strain? 

Quiet once again settles over the classroom, and the gears start to turn in Kei’s head. He’s not gay. He’s not. It’s normal for best friends to think their best friend is cute. Tadashi’s called him cute before; granted, they were young, and it was at Kei’s silly mistakes when he signed to him. No-- Tadashi was able to shake it off and continue on with their conversation. Kei is...unfocused. He can’t stop staring, and oh god, there’s a strip of skin showing where Tadashi’s dress shirt untucked and  _ fuck-- _

His family is going to  _ hate _ him. Or, at least his dad. Kei doesn’t want that-- not so soon after he’s sobered up, not so soon after he started to reconcile with his sons. Kei suddenly can’t breathe, and -- his head swimming -- he turns away from Tadashi. Because, no, I’m not gay. 

  
But, of course, his heart flutters when he catches Tadashi holding up his doodles with a bright smile on his face, and he knows that’s not true. 


	9. Eighteen

“Tsukkiiii!” Kei falls to the ground with an ‘umph!’ as a body collides with his own; and while, under any other circumstances he would be pissed, he recognises the body pressing up to his own as if it were an extension of himself. 

“Yamaguchi, get off!” Kei says with a groan, and Tadashi giggles above him. “It’s the first day of third year, not the last!” 

Tadashi pulls himself off of Kei with a snivel. “Y- Yeah, but this is the beginning of our last year! Tsukki!” 

“Tsukishimaaaa!”

“Oi!”

Soon enough, another body crashes into his. Small and foreign, and unbelievably  _ hard _ . Kei knows who it is almost instantly.

“Hinata, get your bony ass off of me! I’m not a cushion!”

“You weren’t complaining when it was just Tada-chii sitting on you!” 

“That’s because Yamaguchi doesn’t have  _ daggers for elbows _ ,” Kei growls, and even if that’s only half the reason, he doesn’t let that on to Hinata. He pushes the redhead off of him, and helps Tadashi up. “Now, let’s get to the gym before the second years beat us,  _ captain _ .”

Yamaguchi tears up at this, and for a second Kei thinks he’s said something wrong until he’s tackles to the ground again, and his best friend is wailing in his ear, “Ts- ukiiii!..I’m so happy!..” 

“I can tell,” Kei says with a grunt, and shuffles awkwardly underneath the brunet. “But seriously, we’ll be late if you don’t get off me.” 

“Yeah, captain Tada-chii, we’ve gotta be ready for any first years that pop by before school!”

Tadashi sniffs and rubs at his eyes. “R- Right! Practice!” 

They stand once more, and Kei realizes that the hand he’d originally offered to Tadashi is still being held, though this time instead of thankful and soft, Tadashi is gripping his hand in a knuckle-whitening hold. He tries not to think too much of it, pushing it off as just Tadashi being nervous -- being captain is an important job, and he’d only become a starter at the spring highs -- and runs his thumb along the back of the other’s hand to comfort him. 

“Guys! Guys!” Yachi meets up with them as Tadashi is unlocking the gym door, smiling her bright and warming smile. A young boy trails shyly behind her, fiddling with his fingers. “Our third year! It’s starting today!” Yachi launches herself at Tadashi and he catches her in a hug, Hinata joining in happily, and if it were anyone but the other two, maybe Kei would be jealous. “I’m so happy! And nervous. But I’m trying not to think about that last part. Ah! Time--”

“Flies by!” Hinata and Tadashi finish for her; it’s become somewhat of an inside joke between the three over the break. Tadashi told Kei something about it after it happened -- something about getting drunk off of cheap wine in Yachi’s apartment -- and Kei finds, once more, that if it were anyone else that he would be jealous. But it’s just Yachi-- just Hinata. 

“Who’s this, Yacchan?” 

“Huh? Oh!” Yachi turns to the small boy that came up with her. “This is Koutarou Yamada, first year class six.” 

The boy lifts his head nervously, and the four volleyball players gasp. He’s gorgeous-- even to Hinata and Kageyama, who are as straight as can be. Wide, brown eyes, framed by long lashes, and then framed once more with dark blue lenses. His lenses aren’t square, like most boys prefer theirs, however. No, these are round, and they accentuate the younger’s face and cheekbones nicely. His skin is tan, like he’s been sun kissed (the same shade, if not darker, than Tadashi’s skin), and his short black hair falls onto his forehead, casting beautiful shadows on his dark cheeks in the morning sun. This boy, no doubt, is stunning.

“H- He-- Hi! I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi, c- captain. A- Are you here to join?” Kei has a heavy inclination to say that Tadashi isn’t stuttering because he’s nervous to be captain still. He’s slowly let go of Kei’s hand by now, and offers it to Koutarou with a warm smile. 

“Actually, that’s exactly the thing…” Yachi says this, yet doesn’t look nervous when continuing. “Kou-chan lives in my building, and his mother asked me to walk him here. I said yes, of course, and on our way we got talking. I asked if he was thinking of joining a sport, and he told me…”

Yachi trails off so Koutarou can continue for her. “...I-- I have a bad heart, so I c- can’t be running around and jumping a- and s- stuff, but… I-- I saw what y- you can all d- do, es- especially you, Yamaguchi-s- san, a- and I...want to be a part of it a- all...I-- I’d like to be your manager-in training, i- if I could! P- Please!..”

There are three seconds of silence as four sets of eyes stare openly at Koutarou, before Tadashi clears his throat. “We’d be glad to have you, Yamada-chan”

Kentarou bows low. “Th- Thank you!.. I’ll do my best! A- And please call me Koutarou for your convenience…”

Tadashi smiles. “Right. Well, Koutarou-kun, I’m sorry we don’t have a jacket for you quite yet, but…” 

“Welcome to Karasuno!” Hinata and Yachi both finish loudly, and Koutarou flinches. Kei sees Tadashi frown at that, and Kei knows then that Tadashi is going to take him under his wing almost immediately-- even if he’s just the manager. 

Tadashi shakes his head in exasperation, and smiles, pushing open the gym doors finally. “Ok, guys. Let’s get this show on the road.” 

  
  
  
  
  


It occurs to Tadashi that he falls in love easily. Far, far too easily. 

First, it was --  _ still is _ \-- Kentarou. Then he had a crush on Daichi; then Tanaka, Yachi, Narita and Kinoshita at the same time, Ennoshita, and of course Kiyoko. There was that awkward few weeks when he had a crush on the cute substitute maths teacher that came in when the original teacher got sick with walking pneumonia and was out for a month. The cute barista who wrote her number on his coffee cup when he was out with Kei. 

He knows he shouldn’t be crushing on Koutarou -- a sixteen year old, when Tadashi is almost eighteen -- but it kind of just happens. Koutarou has one of those faces anyone falls in love with, he’s sweet, and so endearingly shy that Tadashi can’t help it. He feels predatory when he does so, even though the age gap isn’t very large; his and Kentaro’s is the same.

...Ah. Kentaro. Tadashi needs to shake away his feelings, before Kentaro finds out about them.

“What’re you doing, moping around? Love-sick, are we?” 

Tadashi sits up, grimacing as the sun hits his eyes, as he’s dragged rudely from his thoughts. Right. Lunch. 

“Shut up, Tsukki.” Tadashi grumbles, taking the juice box Kei offers him. He doesn’t deny it, though. 

“Ah, so you are. Who is it this time, huh? I believe Kazuoh-sensei is back subbing for that first year teacher that’s on maternity leave. Could it possibly be him again?”

Tadashi’s face burns red. “Tsukki--!”

Kei laughs. “I’m kidding!”    


“Mean! You’re a dick!” 

“Yes, but you’re stuck with me.” 

“Fuck you,” Tadashi grumbles. He just barely misses Kei’s muttered with pleasure as he continues, “I’ll have you know, that crush is justified. Have you  _ seen _ his jawline? It should be illegal.” 

Kei scoffs. “I have. Not as impressive as you say.” 

Tadashi stares in disbelief at his best friend. Is Kei...talking about boys with him?.. 

“No,” Kei says, shaking his head with a smile. “No, I’m kidding anyway. It’s the new manager, no? Koutarou-kun?” 

Tadashi turns red because Kei is wearing that knowing fucking grin he hates, looking at him with hawk-like eyes.

“He is pretty cute. Even our token straights were speechless when they first saw him.” 

It’s no lie that most of the boys’ underclassmen were some form of queer, but for Kei to call their new manager cute and then not include himself in the “token straight” category-- Tadashi’s confused. 

“Tsukki, are you gay?” 

“Shut up.” 

Tadashi blinks. Kei isn’t looking at him-- he’s fiddling with his hands and biting his bottom lip, and Tadashi panics for a second.  _ Fuck. Did I make him uncomfortable? I don’t want to push him if he’s not ready to come out.  _

“Y- Yeah, uh-- Ignore me.” 

“Right.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kei can’t breathe.  _ Tsukki, are you gay? _ Fuck. He’d slipped.  _ Tsukki. _ He didn’t mean to.  _ Are you gay? _ He’d called Koutarou ‘cute’ and had a  _ whole conversation _ with him-- Kei can almost imagine the words stuck in Tadashi’s throat: _ It’s ok if you are _ \--

Except it  _ isn’t _ .

Kei can imagine his family’s reaction -- his  _ father’s _ reaction -- if he were gay ( _ because he’s not gay _ ). The ostracisation he’d face in society. He wouldn’t be able to find a job, he would be looked at as a freak, he’d never be allowed to marry, he--

“Kei? Kei, you ok?” 

Kei whimpers, looking up to see his brother in his doorway, frowning at him. 

“Kei?” Akiteru steps in, still frowning, and Kei scrambles into a sitting position. 

“I-- I’m fine--” 

“You’re obviously not, Kei,” Akiteru says, and pulls his brother into his arms as he falls onto Kei’s bed. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m  _ fine _ .” 

“In my twenty-five years of life I’ve only seen you cry when you were a baby, and even then it was very rarely.” Akiteru squeezes Kei tight. “And you’re doing just that right now. So something’s obviously wrong. What is it?”

Kei takes a shuddering breath and Akiteru smiles encouragingly at him.

“Akiteru, I have a problem.” 

Akiteru chuckles. “I can tell.” 

“I, uh…” Kei closes his eyes. He really doesn’t want to do this; so, like every time he doesn’t want to do something, he makes an excuse. “My girlfriend broke up with me. I’-- I really liked her.” 

There’s a beat of silence, broken only by Akiteru laughing. Kei turns on his side, glaring at his brother. “Oi! I just told you why I’m crying, can you not laugh while you’re still in the room with me?!” 

Despite his words being a total lie, Kei can’t help but feel offended. Why is Akiteru laughing at him?! 

“I’m-- I’m sorry, I j-- Kei, you don’t expect me to believe that, do you? I may not live with you anymore, but I do like to think I visit enough to know you by now.” Akiteru sits up, still laughing, and Kei flops back onto his back with a groan. “Kei, you’ve never dated any girl and you never will.” 

Akiteru’s words have Kei back into panic mode. “I-- I have to! I’ve had a lot of girlfriends, just-- th- this one was important to me--” 

“Kei, aside from Tadashi I think you’re the biggest homosexual I’ve met. Stop trying to lie and tell me the truth.”

“Stop laugh-- Wait, what?” Kei suddenly can’t breathe again. “I’m not-- I--” 

Akiteru stops laughing, and his face shifts so Kei can’t read it. “Oh. I. Was I not supposed to know that? I just-- I assumed, since-- y’know...Tadashi is always looking at you like you hung the stars, and you look at him like he hung the moon, and--”

“Yamaguchi and I aren’t dating.” 

“Huh? Kei, you don’t have to lie to--” 

“Yamaguchi and I aren’t dating and I’m _ not gay _ .” Kei’s words come out harsher than intended, and he can see Akiteru’s eyes widen in shock but he can’t be bothered to care right now. “Leave me alone, please, nii-san.” 

“Right…” Akiteru stands, and makes his way slowly to the door. “Right, uh...I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready to eat...Mom’s out on a date tonight, so it’s just us…” 

Kei rolls onto his stomach and shoves his face into a pillow so he doesn’t have to look at his brother. “Whatever. Eat without me, I’m not hungry.” 

“...Ok…” 

It’s quiet a moment, and Kei is just starting to relax again when there’s a couch at the door. Right. Akiteru isn’t gone yet. 

“I, uh-- Kei, just know that mom and I, and Tadashi too, we support you no matter what, no matter who you love. Ok?” 

Kei doesn’t reply, and Akiteru finally leaves with a sigh Kei knows all too well: 

Disappointment. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Ah, home…” Tadashi sighs as he steps inside the warmth of his house. Fall is in full-swing, the air chilling without his uniform jacket (which he’d lost some time between arriving at Kei’s house to study and leaving. It’s been a long day. Practice, six tests, an hour of filling out university applications, practice, and then three hours of studying with Kei, and he still has to make dinner for himself. 

He’s just finished taking off his shoes when his phone dings.

 

[10:03 PM from: Ken-chan <3] 

_ Hey there gorgeous, you done being boring yet? _

 

Tadashi snickers at his stupid boyfriend, and types a reply quickly so he can make his dinner. 

 

_ [10:04 PM to: Ken-chan <3]  _

_ Yes, I’m done~ _

_ [10:04 PM from: Ken-chan <3]  _

_ Yay~ Now I get to talk to you~ _

_ I’m coming over this weekend, btw, so make sure you have lube at your place I’m poor :( _

 

Tadashi goes from smiling one second to frowning. Right. With a sigh, he types up a response.

 

_ [10:04 PM to: Ken-chan <3]  _

_ I will. Love you.  _

 

_ [10:05 PM from: Ken-chan <3]  _

_ Love you too.  _

Tadashi bites his lip, and reminds himself to breathe. He hopes Kentaro doesn’t leave marks this time; he has a hard enough time hiding his hickeys, he doesn’t think he can find an excuse for handprints on his hips and love bites the size of apples down his back.

With a sigh, Tadashi locks his phone. He’s not hungry anymore. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Ugh. I think my brain is melting.” 

“I second that.” 

“Thirded.” 

“Uh...Fourthed?..” 

Tadashi lets out a weak snicker. “I think It would be ‘quaded’ but don’t quote me, Shouyou.” 

“I don’t think so. In fact, ‘thirded’ isn’t even a phrase. But nice try.”

“Like I said, don’t quote me!” Tadashi pouts, glaring at Kei. “But seriously. My brain is melting. I think I’ve surpassed tired and entered a whole new plane of existence.” 

“Again, I second that.” Yachi rests her head on Tadashi’s lap, groaning. “It huuuurts, Tadashi!” 

“Tada-chii, why do we need to study so much? We’re in our third year! This is supposed to be our easy year!” 

“Actually, uh, it’s not.” 

“Yeah, actually, this should be one of the hardest years, actually.” 

Still, Tadashi can’t help but wish Hinata was right. Midterms are coming up, and with an impending tournament -- one they’re determined to win -- there’s little room for sleep. Or fun.

“We should do something fun. Take a day off.” Tadashi yawns. “We could all use it.”

There’s a murmur of agreement, followed by four yawns.

“But first, I think we could all use some sleep. It’s late.” 

“Yeah…” 

“Mhm…” 

“Sounds g…” 

Tadashi blinks when Kageyama’s voice drifts off, and smiles when he sees he’s fallen asleep in Yachi’s lap. Hinata’s head rests in Kageyama’s, and the three have formed some sort of train of bodies. Kei sits next to Tadashi, head resting on Tadashi’s shoulder, already asleep as well. Chuckling, Tadashi checks the clock one last time as his eyes drift shut. 

2:05 AM. Rest is definitely much needed.

  
  
  
  
  


“We’re free~!” Tadashi falls onto Kei’s bed with a sigh, and Kei collapses onto his desk chair, his glasses being chucked in Tadashi’s direction. With a yelp, Tadashi catches them and sets them down gently on Kei’s bedside table. Kei looks absolutely  _ wrecked _ , and Tadashi’s sure he looks the same. “Tsukki, we’re free!” 

“Yeah, until finals, and then entrance exams, and then university work which is going to be ten times worse than high school, then there’s university fina--”

“Tsukki, don’t ruin my vibes!” Tadashi whines, pulling one of Kei’s pillows over his face. Inhaling, he can’t help the smile that slides on his face. Smells like Kei. 

“I’m only being realistic, Yamaguchi.” 

“Oh, Shut up, Kei, and enjoy the fact that midterms are over already.” 

“...Kei?” 

Tadashi blinks, confused. “...That’s your name?..” 

“Yes. You just called me Kei.” 

“Oh.” Tadashi flushes. “Right-- uh, I f- figured, uh, s- since

We’ve been friends so long, uh, a- and shuff we could use each-- each other’s given names…” 

“Oh.” Silence. Tadashi doesn’t think he can look Kei in the eye right now. “...Ok. I’d never thought of it before.” 

“So, it’s ok if I call you Kei?” 

“...Yeah. Sure.” 

“A- And you can call me Tadashi. If you want.” 

“Yeah. Right. Ok.” There’s a brief pause, then shuffling and-- “...Tadashi. Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi Tadashi-- Tadashi. Tadashi.”

Tadashi snickers, grinning to himself. “Kei.”

“I--” Kei breaks off, and Tadashi knows before even looking that he’s biting his lip. “I like it.” 

“I’m glad.” 

“The syllables are nice on my tongue…” 

“And it’s easier to say; we all know how you like easy things.” 

Kei laughs, and it sounds nervous. Tadashi frowns at this, and turns over to look at Kei finally. His face is red, and blotchy. Tadashi knows the look; Kei is embarrassed.

Tadashi smiles. “Kei, you’re blushing~” 

“I’m not.”

“Tsukki it’s ok to be shy!”

“I-- I’m not!..” Kei stutters, and Tadashi giggles. “Stop that! I’m  _ not _ embarrassed!”

“Are too!” 

“Am not!” 

“Too.”

“Not!”

“Too.” 

“Aren’t you two supposed to be third years in high school?”

Tadashi yelps, and Kei falls off his desk at the voice at Kei’s door. 

“Akiteru!” 

“You scared the daylights out of me!” 

Akiteru laughs, and saunters farther into Kei’s bedroom, plopping on the bed next to Tadashi. “Hello, boys. Now, what is Kei not?” 

“He’s embarrassed to call me Tadashi~” Tadashi giggles, still smiling. “Or embarrassed I’m calling him Kei. One of the two.” 

Akiteru laughs, and Tadashi doesn’t miss the look he gives his younger brother-- however, he can’t read what it means. “Yeah. Sounds like Kei.”

  
  
  
  
  


“Have you done any thinking as to what you want to do when you graduate? You’re due to do that in a few months.” 

Kei fidgets with his fingers, not looking up at his guidance counsellor. She glares at him with unwavering eyes, and if it were any other time, he would be glaring right back. 

“I’d like to be a lawyer, though I’m sure it takes a lot of hard work to get into law school, not to mention all of the good law schools are far away…” 

“But you’re going to give it a--” 

“An office job will hold me nicely, I think. And I don’t need a specific degree as long as I know how to work a compu--” 

“Tsukishima-kun, did you not just say you want to be a lawyer?” 

“I did.”

“...And then you jumped to office jobs.” 

“Yeah, well--” Kei looks up, locking eyes with the guidance counsellor. “Like I said, all the law schools I would like to attend are far away, and--” 

Kei pauses. 

“And?..” 

“Well, I’d-- I’d like to stay as close to Tadashi as possible.” Kei says with a flush.

“Tadashi?..As in--” 

“Yamaguchi Tadashi. My best friend.”

The guidance counsellor’s eyes flash with something Kei can’t read. “I...See. And does...Tadashi think the same way?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Yamaguchi-kun, I know you and I have talked a previously about your career plans, but I...Don’t think I’ve ever asked about the universities you plan to attend.” 

“Right.” 

“I know it’s too early to know if any of your applications were accepted, but if you were to choose one that you applied to..?” 

“I’d like to go to one of the ones I applied to in Tokyo. Or, at least out of Miyagi...Small towns have never really been all my style. I-- I don’t like how everybody knows everybody.” 

“I see.” She writes something down in her folder labeled “Yamaguchi” and clucks her tongue. “And you’re ok, leaving your friends and family?”

“Huh?” Tadashi blinks. “Well, yeah; all of my friends are going to uni in different places. Shouyou and Tobio are already being scouted. And my mom, I’ll still see her...I’ll visit. Of course I will. So I’ll still see her. And my friends and I will all talk on the phone.” 

“Ok.” She keeps writing, and Tadashi frowns. She’s never written so much during their sessions. “I hear you’re applying for early admissions to the University of Tokyo, is that correct?”

“Yes, I’m hoping that if I get accepted that I’ll be able to start my generals over the summer, so I can focus on my major when the fall semester starts.” 

“Mhm…” 

“I’ve just always loved animals, and I’d love to be a teacher, y’know? To mold children's minds for good…” 

“Yes, very admirable.”

“Thank you.” 

“I just have one more question for you, Yamaguchi-kun…” 

“Of course, sensei.” 

“What about Tsukishima Kei?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They haven’t talked about it. It’s always just been a taboo-- their future. A topic to be left for when it happens. 

“Kei, when…” 

Tadashi bites his lip, voice trailing off, and Kei looks up from his homework. “Yeah?” 

“When we graduate, Kei...Are we going to separate?” 

“Huh?” 

“Like...Go to different schools?”

“I thought it was obvious?” 

“...No, not really.” 

They’re sitting in the club room, the last two to leave. Kei won’t look at him. Why won’t Kei look at him?

“Wherever you’re going, I am.” 

“I see.” Tadashi nods. “I-- I didn’t apply to anywhere near those fancy law schools you want to go to, though…”

“I know, but even the University of Tokyo has an alright law program, and if not I can--” 

“Tsukishima Kei, you are not denying yourself happiness because of me.”

“Huh--?” 

When Kei looks up, it’s to Tadashi glaring at him.    
“I know you think I can’t defend myself, but--” 

“I don’t think that--” Tadashi fixes Kei with another, heavier glare. “...Sorry. Continue.”

“I know you think I can’t defend myself,” Tadashi says, continuing, “But I can. I’ll be fine.” 

“But I…” 

“Kei?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You know this isn’t the end, right?..” 

“Yeah.” 

“You don’t seem like you do.” Tadashi locks eyes with Kei. “I want to hear you say it.” 

“Say what?” 

“Say that,” Tadashi takes a shuddering breath. “Even if we go to different universities, we’ll be still be best friends. I’ve worked too long to be your friend to lose it over something so small.”

“But it’s not small--!”

“Say it!” 

Tadashi freezes, and with him, the entire room does.

“Please.” He doesn’t know why he’s making such a big deal out of this. “...I need to hear it.” 

He can practically hear Kei’s gulp. “We...We’ll still be friends, even if we go to different universities.” 

“Good.” 

“But, if I can help it--”

“You’re applying to your silly lawyer schools, and that’s that. Got it?” Tadashi laughs through his tears -- when did he start to cry? -- and raises a hand to wipe at his nose. “You’re the best person in my life, and you’d better go after what you want of I’m going to kill you. Ok?” 

Kei laughs and sniffs as well, soft smile gracing his lips, and Tadashi feels his heart stutter. 

“I will. I promise.”

“Good.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“We did it! We’re free! For real, this time!” 

“I can’t believe it--” 

“Yacchan, Sho-kun!” Tadashi collides with his classmates, diploma in one hand, Kei’s own hand in the other, sobbing. He’s always been an ugly crier, and he knows he looks like shit, but he can’t find it in him to care. 

“I’m so happy!”

Kageyama and Kei stay a few steps away from the snot-filled embrace between the three (even if Kei’s hand is still locked tight with Tadashi’s own), but the moment is still warm. 

“I can’t believe we did it,” Tadashi breathes as they pull apart. “We graduated.” 

“I kn--” 

“Hitoka!” Four sets of heads whip around to find Yachi’s mother and step mother waiting for her, and their moment is broken up

“I’ve got to go. I’ll see you guys tonight, though, right? To tell each other where we’re going to uni!”

“Of course! We’ll meet you at the park at six.”

“Bye!” 

“Bye, Yacchan! Love!” 

“Loves!” 

“Shouyou!” 

“Tobio!” 

Hinata and Kageyama both disappear, leaving Kei and Tadashi alone. The environment is loud around them; voices shouting, loud cries and happy squeals filling the air. However, all Tadashi can hear is Kei’s breathing mixed with his own. 

“Your mother?” Tadashi blinks, and looks up at Kei. 

“Working. There was a big crash on the freeway this morning, she’s been in a&e all day.”

“Ah.” 

“Kei! Tadashi!” They both look over to where Mei and Akiteru smile gleefully at them. “Oh, we’re so proud of you!”

Mei launches herself at the boys, hugging them far too tight, and Akiteru follows suit, enveloping them all in his wide reach. Tadashi giggles, and nuzzles into a shoulder -- who’s, he doesn’t know -- just as someone clears their throat behind them. They break apart, and Tadashi shudders when he sees who it is. 

“Father.”

“Hello, Kei.” Tsukishima-san looks just like Tadashi remembers last seeing him, the only difference being that he’s sober now. He still has the same cold eyes Tadashi is glad Kei didn’t inherit, the same permanent grimace. “Yamaguchi.”

“H- Hello, Tsukishima-san. Nice to see you again.” Tadashi bows and takes a step behind Kei to hide from that piercing glare. 

“I’m running late for a meeting, but,” Tsukishima pulls an envelope from his coat pocket, holding it with one hand and offering the other to Kei to shake. “I had to congratulate my son on graduating. I’m sure you’ll be a very successful doctor.” 

“Lawyer.” 

“Right.” 

“Thank you, father.” Kei moves to shake back when both he and Tadashi realize they’re still holding hands. Kei is quick to let go and shake with his father, who didn’t miss the exchange. “I’m glad you came here, despite being late. I won’t keep you up any longer.” 

“Of course. I’ll be going now. I hope you find a...lovely  _ girlfriend _ to bring back to me when I see you at our next visit.” 

Kei smiles and forces out with clenched teeth, “Yes, father. I’ll do my best.” 

Tsukishima-san nods. “Goodbye, Mei, Kei, Akiteru...Yamaguchi…” 

“Goodbye, father.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

 

“G- Goodbye, sir.” 

 

As soon as he arrived, Kei’s father is gone, and the mood is instantly lighter. 

“Alright,” Mei claps her hands together. “Boys, there’s cake at home-- strawberry and chocolate. Let’s go get us some before you have to meet your team, huh?”

Tadashi grins, and reaches for Kei’s hand again, but it’s not there.

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There’s something about it being final that has Kei panicking. 

_ “I’m going to the University of Tokyo. I got accepted for early admission! I’m leaving in two weeks for orientation.”  _

_ “Woah, so cool!”  _

_ “Amazing, Tadashi-kun! I’m going to UoT as well, but I didn’t get accepted for early admission!” _

_ “Really, Yacchan?!”  _

_ “We’ll be going to the same school!” _

They’re going to different schools. Of course, Kei knew this before they told each other where they’re going -- Kei didn’t apply to any schools that Tadashi did, and had chosen a well-known law school in Miyagi, far away from Tadashi’s target school. It still  _ hurts _ , though. 

_ “Uwahh, no fair! You two will get to see each other all the time! I want to see Yacchan all the time!” _

_ “Idiot, we’re going to Tokai! We’ll be across the city!”  _

_ “But they’ll be on the same campus!”  _

_ “Tsukishima gets to see her too!”  _

_ “Really?! He’s going to University of Tokyo too?!”  _

It hurts so bad. 

_ “I’m not.” _

_ “Eh? So you and Tada-chii aren’t going to the same uni?”  _

_ “I’m going to Tohoku University.”  _

Kei can only hope he doesn’t go insane in the next four years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter since like the third lmao
> 
> please leave a comment or something i worked hard


	10. Nineteen

_ Hell. _ It’s the only word Kei can think of to describe university. From bed, to work at the library on campus, to class, back to work, then back to class. Rinse repeat. Then, at six after his final class of the day, it’s off to work at a bar off campus-- a twenty minute walk, and like hell Kei is taking the bus when he can barely afford dinner as is. Go back to the dorms at one am, sleep until ten minutes before his ten am class across campus. Kei is usually one for routine, but this one is killing him.

 

Of course, there’s room for rest and relaxation; however, Kei has no one to relax with. 

 

He and Tadashi text a lot. It’s just like in high school when either of them were sick.  _ Tsukki I’m sooo boreeddd, pay attention to your work, sorry~!  _ Kei hates it. He hates that they’re being  _ normal _ . He wants to be able to tell Tadashi he misses him and hear him say it back. Of course, he would never initiate something like that, and so he waits for Tadashi to do so. He doesn’t. 

 

“So I was in a lecture today,” Tadashi says over the phone one night. It sounds like he’s chewing on something -- Kei is sure it’s peanut butter, his go-to stress snack -- and Kei cringes at the sound, but he doesn’t have it in him to reprimand his friend. “And, like, no joke I’m being one hundred percent serious here, this kid just up and takes his text book, walks to the front of the lecture hall, and drops it in the garbage. His face is blank, like, no emotion, and he just -- Kei I swear, he  _ screams _ .”    
  


Kei snickers. “I’m sure you’re over-exaggerating, Tadashi.” 

 

“I’m not!” 

 

“Sure.” 

 

“Serious,” Tadashi defends, “He looks over the hall, and he screams. Like, it sounded  _ painful _ . Then, he just yells ‘I’m done! I’m out!’ and leaves. The professor just continued on teaching like it’s happened before.  _ Insane _ , right?” 

 

“Right.” Kei says with a smile. He doesn’t tell Tadashi the same thing has happened three times in the same class for him and that he’s tempted to be the fourth. 

 

“Insane! It’s only the third month, we don’t even have to start studying for midterms yet and people are already dropping out.” 

 

“Sometimes it’s an mental strain, I suppose.” 

 

“Well,” Tadashi  _ finally _ swallows his peanut butter. “No matter how hard it gets, I’m not going to drop out.” 

 

“That’s good.” 

 

Tadashi yawns. “It’s late. I’ll call you same time tomorrow, ok?” 

 

“Alright. Night.” 

 

“Night, Kei, love you.” 

 

“Love you too.” 

 

It takes Kei a moment to realize what they’ve just done, and when he does, it’s too late. Tadashi’s already hung up.  _ Night, Kei, love you.  _ Shit _. Love you too.  _

 

Fuck. 

  
  
  
  


“I love you.” It’s always been something sacred to Tadashi-- to say those words.  _ Those three words _ . They’re meant for family, close friends,  _ lovers _ . With Kei, love is a taboo. Something neither have brought up, never said to each other despite how long they’ve been friends, not since elementary. 

 

...And Tadashi said it. He told Kei he loved him--  _ and Kei had said it back _ . He hadn’t even thought about it when he did it. It just...came out. That’s what scares Tadashi the most. Even when on the phone with Kentaro, he has to remind himself to tack on a quick “love you” before he hangs up. 

 

It raises questions in Tadashi’s mind he really doesn’t want to answer. 

 

“Tadashi, I’m home!” 

 

Tadashi flinches at the loud voice in the hall, and shuffles in bed hiding his phone under the mattress and pulling the covers farther over him, pretending to sleep. Drunken footsteps make their way towards the bedroom, and Tadashi wonders fleetingly why he agreed to move in with his boyfriend instead of living in the dorms. He could have requested to live with Yachi in the mixed-gender dorms. He’s sure administration would understand their situation, being two students who previously knew each other who both have crippling anxiety. 

 

“Tadashi~” The door bangs open. “Hello, love~” 

 

Kentaro pays no mind that Tadashi is -- supposedly -- sleeping as he crawls into bed and snuggles up close to him. Tadashi can feel hardness press against his back, and is glad he’d thought to prepare himself before Kentaro arrived home. 

 

“I love you, Tadashi,” Kentaro whispers, sliding Tadashi’s pants down. “I love you so much.” 

 

For some reason, Tadashi doesn’t believe it. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


With school and work taking up most of his life, Kei is glad for the winter break. 

 

“Kei, come here! I need you to do something for me!” 

 

Well...mostly glad. Winter break means coming home, and for some reason, his mother has a million things for him to do. “Coming!” 

 

Kei trots down the stairs to find his mother at the bottom, apron on and hair tied back, paint splattering her face. “I need more paint. Could you be a love and go to the hardware store for me? I would, but I’m a bit--” 

 

She motions to her attire. Kei sighs. 

 

“Yeah. I’ll be back-- what color?” 

 

She picks up two color swatches -- an  _ ugly _ blue and a somewhat nicer, darker version -- and hands them to Kei. He cringes, but from the looks of it she’s already painted two walls. So he just nods, and moves to the front doorway. 

 

When he opens the door to leave, Tadashi is in the doorway poised to knock. 

 

“Kei!” He has one second to prepare himself before Tadashi tackles him to the floor, heavy on top of him. “Ah, I missed you so much!” 

 

“It’s only been a few months, and we talk every night!” 

 

“But your faceeee!” Comes the reply sobbed into his coat, and Kei cringes. Tadashi is crying. “I haven’t seen your face in person for that long!..” 

 

“Kei, what was that noise--? Tadashi, hi, dear!” 

 

“Hello Mei-chan!” 

 

“Kei is out to the hardware store, if you want to go with him, otherwise your second mother is always here to chat with you~” 

 

Kei rolls out from under Tadashi with a grunt and stands, offering a hand to Tadashi. “He’s coming with me.” 

 

“Ok, ok!” 

 

Mei disappears, and Kei smiles at Tadashi as they step outside the house, Tadashi chattering away. They don’t let go of each other’s hands the whole walk to the store. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“So, how’s your love life?” 

 

Yachi and Tadashi are sat on Yachi’s apartment’s kitchen counter as cookies bake in the oven. Yachi has a face mask on that makes her usually cute face look alien-like, and Tadashi is eating the cucumber slices that are supposed to be on her face. He hums. “What about it? It’s pretty normal.” 

 

Yachi scoffs. “Oh come on, there’s gotta be  _ something _ juicy! Did he make you dinner one night? Scattered the apartment in rose petals and seduce you? Draw you a bath and make love to you in the bubbles?” Tadashi’s face scrunches up. “ _ Anything _ ?” 

 

“No, and I don’t think he would. I  _ hope _ he wouldn’t, at least.” 

 

“What?! But that’s the ultimate romance!” Tadashi smiles nervously. Yachi is very passionate about sometimes. “I swear, if a girl did anything like that for me I’d be so--” 

 

“Ok ok ok! Enough!” 

 

“--I’d let her take me anywhere she w--” 

 

“Yacchan!” 

 

Yachi blinks, and then -- realizing what she’d been talking about -- her face turns bright red. “Sorry. Continue. Why wouldn’t you want that?” 

 

“W- Well, it’s not that I don’t want something nice like that; I-- I never have?..A nice bubble bath, or a warm meal when I get home from class and work, but...all that sex stuff happens on a normal basis and I don’t-- I never really liked it. It always hurts or makes me uncomfortable in some way, and even when I pretend to be asleep and stay limp it hurts, so…” 

 

“Tadashi.” 

 

“Yeah?” Tadashi looks up to see Yachi looking at him with sharp eyes, and instantly freezes, cucumber slice pressed against his lower lip. “What did I do?” 

 

“You do know that what Kentaro is doing is sexual abuse?..” 

 

Tadashi frowns. Why does everyone think Kentaro is abusing him? “It’s not.” 

 

“Do you want to have sex with him?” 

 

“Well, no, b--” 

 

“And he fucks you anyway.” 

 

“...Yeah, but--” 

 

“Then he’s sexually abusing you.” 

 

“B- But I let him! I-- I don’t think he should suffer because I’m broken…” 

 

“Tadashi you said he fucks you while you’re  _ asleep _ !” Yachi looks mad, now, her face mask cracking as her face contorts in anger. “Or, pretending to. But who knows what happens when you actually  _ are _ asleep!” 

 

Tadashi bites his bottom lip, and subsequently the cucumber slice that is still poised there. “Really, Yacchan, you’re overlooking it--” 

 

“Yamaguchi Tadashi he is sexually abusing you and you need to--” 

 

“He’s not abusing me, though!” Tadashi snaps, surprised with himself as soon as the words leave his mouth. Yachi is obviously shocked with him as well, because her own mouth hangs open. He lowers his voice. “He doesn’t hit me. He’s a perfect gentleman, usually. Just-- Sometimes he gets drunk. It’s nothing. He’s not hitting me, or kicking me. He isn’t doing bodily harm. He--” 

 

“Tadashi…” 

 

“Yeah, Hitoka?”    
  
“You do know abuse doesn’t have to be  _ violence _ ...right?” 

 

Tadashi scoffs. “Of course it is, Hitoka. What else would it be?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I’m sorry, what?” 

 

“Kei, I’m worried about Tadashi.” 

 

Kei frowns. “What?” He’s on his lunch break before he has to work an hour more and then go to class, and Yachi had caught him just as he was sitting down. “Why, what’s wrong? Is he hurt?” 

 

There’s silence a second, and he’s just about to get up and grab the next train ticket to Tokyo when Yachi speaks again, hesitant. “...It’s nothing-- well, I wouldn’t say  _ nothing _ , but he’s not  _ hurt… _ ” 

 

“What’s going on?” Kei relaxes in his seat knowing Tadashi is ok, though he’s still on edge. 

 

“...It-- It’s Kentaro, his boyfriend.” 

 

“Kentaro? Is he back or something?” 

 

“Back?” Kei can hear the confusion in Yachi’s voice, and confusion covers him like a fog as well. Why does she sound confused?.. “Kei, he never went anywhere. A- And Tadashi told me last night about...some stuff Kentaro does to him.”

 

“Stuff?..” Kei voices the question, but his mind is buzzing. Tadashi kept in contact with Kentaro. Have they been dating secretly?.. How long? Why didn’t Tadashi tell him?

 

“Kei, I think Kentaro is abusing Tadashi.” 

 

“Huh? No, come on, Yacchan, he wouldn’t allow that. He knows what his mother went through--” 

 

“Not like, hitting him--” 

 

“He was bullied too much to know if he’s being degraded--” 

 

“Not with his word.” 

 

Kei knows exactly what Tadashi means -- he did the moment she said it -- but he can’t help but hope. “...Tell me this is a joke, Hitoka. Please.” 

 

_ Tell me this is all a joke. That you picked a name at random and Kentaro is just what you came up with, that Tadashi is there with you and fine-- _

 

“I wish I was. But I’m one hundred percent serious. A- And Tadashi doesn’t understand that what he’s doing  _ is _ abuse. He thinks abuse is hitting and manipulating, and not-- not…” 

 

“I know what he’s done, Hitoka, you don’t have to say it.” Yachi hums, confused, and Kei sighs. “He-- He was our middle school volleyball captain, and h- he hated me. But he took a liking to Tadashi, a- and when I was playing, Tadashi was being bullied by our classmates and was often off doing chores for the others instead of practicing, and Kentaro was a pretty shit captain -- always skipping. So he hung out with Tadashi a lot. 

 

“Eventually…” Kei sucks in a breath. “They started dating, and he started...taking advantage of Tadashi. When I found out, I immediately tried to stop it; I thought I did. I suppose I thought wrong. They must have talked behind my back. I--” 

 

“Oh, Kei, that’s horrible!..It must be so hard for you, watching the boy you love with some--” 

 

“I don’t love Tadashi. Not-- Not like  _ that _ .” Kei says, biting his lip. “It’s not like that.” 

 

“Kei, I see the way you look at him--” 

 

“I look at everybody the same.” 

 

“--And the way you treat him is so much different than you treat everyone else--” 

 

“We’re best friends. Of course I treat him diff--” 

 

“Kei, are you kidding me? Are you going to pretend forever?” 

 

Kei grimaces. “Hitoka, this isn’t why you called. You called because of Tadashi.” 

 

“Ah, right…” Yachi sounds disappointed. “I-- I’m  _ really _ worried for him, Kei.” 

 

“I am too,” Kei breathes. “I am too.”  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The night is still young when Kei is tackled to the ground by a familiar weight, and screeching fills his ears. “Keiiii!” 

 

“Do you have to assault me every time we meet each other?” Kei asks, groaning as Tadashi practically vibrates on top of him. “I swear, you’ve probably given me a concussion at some point. I do have a brain, believe it or not, and it smacks against my skull when you do shit like that.” 

 

Tadashi giggles. “Sorry, Kei, I’m just so excited! I missed you!” 

 

“We talk every night.” 

 

“Do you?..” A voice behind them breaks them from the moment, and Tadashi scrambles up, revealing Kentaro to Kei. Kentaro smiles, and it almost looks threatening. “If I didn’t know you were straight, I would be jealous.” 

 

Kei blinks, his eyes involuntarily moving to Tadashi, and they lock eyes. There’s an awkward pause before Kei coughs. “Y- Yeah.” 

 

“So, where’s your girlfriend? Tadashi says I would get to meet her tonight.” 

 

Again, Kei looks to Tadashi, and there’s a look in the brunet's eyes that says go along with it. “Ah, sh-- she was called into work last minute. I’ll be sure to bring her next time I come up to visit.” 

 

“I’d like that.” 

 

“Y- Yeah…” 

 

“Oh! Kei, Tadashi, Kentaro! I was just coming out to call you!” Yachi pops out from the already loud club. “The birthday boy is on his way! Come on in.” 

 

There’s a murmur of approval, and the small group of three enter the club. As they walk in, Kei pulls Yachi to the side. “Tadashi has to lie to Kentaro about my sexuality to be able to talk to me.” 

 

Yachi frowns. “I hate him more and more every time I hear of or see him.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Isn’t Kentaro drinking a lot?..” 

 

Kei blinks over at Sugawara, and nods. 

 

“He’s had, like, six beers in the last hour...” 

 

Kei sighs, and shakes his head. Tadashi is still at his boyfriend’s side, and Kei is annoyed. He hasn’t seen his best friend in months, and they’ve barely spoken to each other all night. He’s about to complain about such to Sugawara when an idea pops into his head. He turns his head to face Tanaka. 

 

“Tanaka-san, I think Kentaro-san wants to dance, but I haven’t seen Yamaguchi in so long. Can you entertain him?” 

 

Tanaka laughs, and claps Kei on the back. “Oh, this guy’s been eyeing me all night, I’m going to dance battle his ass!” 

 

Kei shakes his head, watching as Tanaka rushes Kentaro and drags him off. Finally, he and Tadashi can have alone time. 

  
  
  
  
  


“Hey.” 

 

Tadashi turns to face the voice addressing him, and smiles to see it’s Kei. “Hi, Kei.” 

 

“How’s the night going?” 

 

“Good. I’m-- I’m having a good time.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Tadashi remembers earlier and bites his lip. “I- I’m sorry about earlier...K- Kentaro, he wouldn’t let me talk to you if he know you were gay--” 

 

“I’m not--” Kei starts, but he sees the look in Tadashi’s eyes and sighs. “...Fine. Ok. Continue.” 

 

Tadashi smiles softly, but it quickly falls. “Well, Ken-chan, he wouldn’t allow me to talk to you if he knew you were...not straight...so I, uh, told him you had a girlfriend. I’m sorry, I should have told you.” 

 

“It’s no problem.” Kei smiles softly, and Tadashi’s heart flutters. “I guess if that’s the case, I’m glad you lied.” 

 

It’s Tadashi’s turn to smile, and he blushes lightly. “Yeah…” 

 

“You’re ok with him doing that, though?” 

 

“Doing what?” 

“Him telling you that you can’t be friends with anyone who’s gay.” 

“Not  _ anyone _ gay, Tsukki, just gay  _ guys _ .” Tadashi scoffs. “He’s scared I’ll leave him, which I wouldn’t, but he thinks I will. It’s endearing.” 

“Oh.” Kei doesn’t mention how that’s controlling and a form of abuse-- he doesn’t want to upset Tadashi, tonight. 

“Hey, isn’t Yacchan acting weird today?” 

“What?” 

“She’s jumpy...As if she’s waiting for something. And she’s so dressed up...” 

Kei sighs. _ Thank god. _ “Kiyoko is coming later and she wants to get laid.” 

“Oh,” Tadashi laughs. “She shouldn’t have to worry, Kiyoko would do anything she wants.” 

“Yeah.” 

There’s a lull in the conversation. “Kei, I have a question.” 

“Shoot.” 

“I’m supposed to be happy with Kentaro, aren’t I?” 

Kei blinks. “I...What?” 

“Am I supposed to be happy dating Kentaro?” 

“Of course,” Kei says, frowning. “Are you not?” 

“Well, I…” Tadashi bites his lower lip. “Not really. But-- I feel guilty.” 

“If you’re not happy, Tadashi, then you have no reason to continue going out with him.” 

“But the  _ reason _ I’m unhappy is because he’s not  _ you… _ ” 

  
  
  


Kei can’t breathe. Tadashi’s words echo in his head, putting him into a tailspin.  _ But the reason I’m unhappy is because he’s not you… _ What does that  _ mean _ ? Tadashi hadn’t elaborated any further when he’d said that, and gone on to talking about school-- he has a paper due soon, but he skipped working on it tonight to hang out with the team. 

Kei doesn’t realize it’s been a good forty-five minutes they’ve been talking until his head begins to ache and he can’t focus on the words he’s saying anymore. “Tadashi, I’m getting a headache, do you have aspirin?” 

“Hm? Oh, no, I don’t.” 

“I do!” Ennoshita-san pops up next to Kei, dropping a pill bottle in his hand. “Here y’go, Tsukishima. Don’t overdose. Bring them back when you’re done.” 

“Oh,” Kei blinks once, twice, before clamping his hand around the pill bottle and tucking them in his pocket. He looks up, but Tadashi is already taking Kei by the hand and pulling him along through the crowd to the dingy-looking restroom. 

  
  
  
  


The bathroom is dirty and dim, but it is quiet and Tadashi definitely needs the break from the lights and sounds. He should take one of the aspirins while they’re in here, before he develops a migraine. He’s moving to ask when he hears it--

A familiar, low moan in one of the stalls. 

Tadashi blinks. “Ts--” 

A female moan follows, and Tadashi freezes. Kei goes to the sink and runs the water, unfazed, though his face is pinched tight in annoyance. He’s never liked the club scene, and Tadashi supposes he just doesn’t want to hear the activities that go on in the restroom. 

“I never got your name,” Kentaro’s voice says in a voice Tadashi thought was meant only for him, and Tadashi sees Kei’s face flash in the corner of his eye, but he’s too busy staring at the bathroom stall. 

The feminine voice replies, “Kumiko.” 

Hands shaking, Tadashi takes a step forward, but Kei stops him. 

“That’s a pretty name. You can call me Ken-chan.” 

“Ok~” 

Kei’s face, still pinched tight, morphs into that of anger and the stall door is pushed open in a split second revealing exactly what Tadashi had feared. 

“T- Tadashi!” 

“Who’s this?” 

“N- No one! No one, baby, you stay right here-- Tadashi, I thought you were celebrating with your friends?..” 

“I-- I...was…” 

Kentaro looks absolutely petrified, but Tadashi doesn’t care. His boyfriend was in a bathroom stall with another person. 

“H- How long were you in here for?..” 

“Long enough.” A low voice growls behind Tadashi, and he flinches; he’d forgotten Kei was here. A hand wraps around Tadashi’s wrist, gentle. “Come on, Tadashi, let’s get back out to the party.” 

“W- Wait! Tadashi--” 

Tadashi isn’t listening; his mind is buzzing at a million miles per second, and he can’t be bothered to listen. They make it two steps out the door before his vision goes black. 

  
  
  
  


When Tadashi comes to, he’s in Yachi’s spare bedroom, a warm body next to his own. It’s still late-- he can tell from the lack of light in the usually bright yellow bedroom. He’s confused as to why he’s there for a second, before everything comes back and he groans, his breath losing him again. The body shifts next to him, and a familiar hum rumbles next to his ear. 

“...’Dashi? You up now?” 

Tadashi gulps down a breath, and nods as he speaks. “Y- Yeah, I’m up, Tsukki.” 

“You ok?” 

“No.” 

“Do you want to talk about it right now?” 

“No.” 

“Ok.” Kei shifts in bed, onto his side. “We are going to talk about it, though. Ok?” 

Tadashi whines. “Tsu _ kki _ …” 

“ _ Ok _ ?” 

“Fine.” Tadashi really doesn’t want to talk, but he knows he needs to. He yawns. “But first, I’m tired. Cuddle?” 

“Of course.” 

Tadashi is quick to launch himself at Kei, nuzzling into Kei’s chest, and warmth envelops him as Kei’s arms circle his waist. Warm hands rub his back comfortingly, and before he knows it he’s drifting off to sleep, his mind only on  _ Kei _ . 

...He can’t help but guiltily think in his last moments of consciousness that he could get used to this. 

  
  
  


“So.” Yachi Hitoka sits at her dining room table, arms crossed. Kei sits next to her, Tadashi across from him. “He cheated on you.” 

“Yeah,” Comes the reply, Tadashi’s voice groggy despite having been awake an hour or so now. “He cheated on me. I-- I had my suspicions, but I…” 

Tears slip from Tadashi’s eyes and Hitoka coos, standing and rushing around the table to hug her friend. Kei’s hand is already locked with Tadashi’s before she makes it over. 

“I thought h- he loved me...He said he would never, I b- believed him!..” Tadashi cries, and Hitoka hushes him, rocking him side-to-side. “We’ve been dating for four years, he said he’d never do anything to hurt me, that he loved me!..” 

Kei’s voice breaks in, awkward trying to comfort him. “It’s ok--” 

“Kei, I live with him! We share a bed! How am I supposed to--” 

Hitoka cuts him off with a gasp. _ I’m a genius! _ “Tadashi, you can live with me!” 

“Wh--” 

Think about it,” Hitoka says, squeezing him. “I get to live with my best friend, you get away from your shitty ex, and we both go to the same school and have remotely the same schedule since we’re going for the same major, so it’s perfect!” 

Tadashi’s lip still shakes as he sniffs. “Y- You wouldn’t mind me cramping you and Kiyoko-san’s style?..” 

Hitoka laughs. “Of course not, Tadashi!” 

“B- But you--” 

“So it’s settled! You and Kei can go get your things tomorrow before he has to leave!” 

“So I have to do manual labor right before getting on a five hour train ride?” 

“It’s for Tadashi! You will move in with me, right? When Kiyoko isn’t here I get so lonely, and rent is so much I can barely afford food~” 

When she says that, she can see Tadashi’s eyes flash in guilt, and she knows she’s roped him in. Using the guilt card probably isn’t the best thing to do when trying to obtain a roommate, but it worked nonetheless. Tadashi sighs, and nods. “Ok, Hitoka-chan, I’ll move in with you…” 

  
  
  


“So, uh.” 

“I’m going to miss you, Kei.” 

“I’m going to miss you too, idiot, but it’s not the end of the world.” 

Tadashi laughs lightly. “I never said it was, stupid. I just said I’m going to miss you.” 

“Hey.” Kei feigns hurt, and Tadashi laughs again. “There’s no need to call names, now.” 

“Sorry, Kei.” Tadashi tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. “But seriously. Call me more damn it, ok?” 

“Ok.” Kei smiles softly. Tadashi looks pretty with the sun shining behind his back, illuminating his already golden skin. “I promise. But only if you promise no more randomly hanging up on me anymore.”

“I promise.” 

“Good.” 

“So I’ll see you?” 

“Yeah. Soon.” 

“Ok.” 

Tadashi turns to walk back to Hitoka’s -- and now his own -- apartment, and just like that there’s a hole in Kei’s heart again. 

  
  
  


 

 

“I’m home,” Tadashi calls into his new apartment, sliding his shoes off. 

“Welcome home!” Comes Hitoka’s reply, and he finds himself smiling softly. He has a roommate-- one that will welcome him home with a smile, and not a lustful stare or rough hands grabbing his ass. Hitoka comes from out of the living room with a grin. “Hey Ta-chan, how was your goodbye to Kei?” 

“Good,” Tadashi says. “He promised to call more.” 

Hitoka’s grin grows knowing, and Tadashi frowns. “That’s good. I don’t hear from him enough.” 

“Hmm.” 

“I’m tired,” Hitoka yawns, “Movie night to celebrate you moving in?” 

“Yeah,” Tadashi yawns now, the action contagious, and makes to the kitchen to make popcorn. “Pick a movie and I’ll make popcorn and go through your chocolate stash?” 

“I’m going to need to move that, aren’t I?” 

“I’m more of a white chocolate person, all you have is  _ dark _ chocolate.  _ Ew _ .” Tadashi wrinkles his nose, and Hitoka sticks her tongue out at him. 

“Hurry up, or I’ll pick the bee movie~” 

“You wouldn’t dare!” 


	11. twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> H O LY SHIT I'VE BEEN GONE F OR E VER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals are hell. This is short. I am lost. How to finish this?

“It’s inevitable, Tsukki.” 

“No, it’s not, it’s a  _ coincidence _ .” 

Tadashi’s laughter rings like a bell through the receiver, and Kei smiles despite the topic. “They’ve been best friends for years, of course they fell in love! Being so close to someone for so long, you get to see all of the good parts of them.” 

“Yeah, but you also see the worst of them.” Tadashi’s definitely seen the worst of Kei, and Kei knows that Tadashi will never love him, at least romantically. Long nights before finals, back when he had braces, when he tried to change his style and got red glasses instead of his normal black frames. He was even there in the nights after his father left, after Akiteru betrayed him, and in general life events. 

“That’s exactly why they’re the perfect couple,” Tadashi says, sounding exasperated. “They’re accepting each other despite their flaws.” 

Kei can practically  _ hear _ the smile in the other’s voice, and he wishes he could see him right now. Tadashi had dropped his cell phone and broken his camera earlier in the week, and their nightly calls now must be via voice call instead of video call. 

“...Right.” 

“Isn’t it so romantic? Childhood friends turned lovers?” 

“Not  _ lovers _ , Ai-chan is ace.” 

“Right. But romantic partners. I  _ love _ it.” 

“I just find it improbable,” Kei says, “I mean,  _ we’re _ childhood friends and  _ we’re _ not romantic partners, nor are we lovers.” 

Silence fills the line, and Kei actually has to check to see if they’ve lost connection. 

“...Tadashi?..” 

“Hey Tsukki?” 

Tadashi’s voice comes in a soft whisper, and Kei has to strain to hear it. His heart pounds. “Yeah?” 

“I...I miss you.” 

“I miss you too, but what brought this on?” 

“I just... _ do _ . Calling isn’t the same as video chatting.” 

“It isn’t,” Kei agrees. 

“It’s just-- you’ve been s- such a break off my mind, since Kentaro, and…” 

“I understand.” Kei wants this conversation to be over. It’s getting too emotional. 

“Hey, Kei?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I come over?” 

Kei almost chokes on the air in his lungs. “Y- You’re in Tokyo and I’m in Sendai, it’s the middle of the night, what the hell--?!”

“It’s a weekend and I don’t have and classes on Monday! Please! I just...need to see your face. Please?” 

...This is a bad idea, and Kei knows it, but…

“Alright. Ok. You can come over. I’ll meet you at the train station in the morning.” 

“No. Three hours.” 

“Three hou--” 

“I’m already on a train! See you soon, Tsukki~!” 

  
  
  
  


“You do know it’s four in the morning.” Kei doesn’t even spare a hello as he opens the door, hair mussed, and Tadashi snickers, fighting back a yawn. 

“I missed you, Kei! Didn’t you miss me?” 

“Not really.” 

“Playing hard to get, I see,” Tadashi makes his way into the apartment and slides off his shoes, tossing his bag on the couch like he owns the place. “Now, back to my otp--” 

“No, it’s too late, I want to  _ sleep-- _ ” 

“You could have slept while I was on the train!” 

“I was waiting up for you.” 

“Ugh, fine, but we  _ have _ to talk about it later.” Tadashi pulls Kei onto the couch and snuggling into him. Kei makes a noise in protest. 

“Hey, there’s a bed for a reason!” 

“Nope. Too tired.” 

“Yama--” 

“Kei, I missed you.” 

Kei’s cheeks burn red. “H- Hey--!” 

“So let’s cuddle, ok?” 

“O-- Ok...Right…” 

Kei is going to die. 

**Author's Note:**

> P l e a s e love me


End file.
